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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7, 2024 | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
Jim,
Thank you so much for your prompt and ever so thoughtful response to my posting. I am truly overwhelmed by your sensitivity and kindness.
You asked me a question that I have been asking myself recently- how do I feel now? I think I am a master of avoidance. It has been over a full year already & I have busied myself with taking care of loads of paperwork, managing issues arising in the house & property- I now have 8 acres to care for which my husband attended to- and then I felt ready to return to my community of friends at school where I am a substitute teacher and the distraction was doing the job in abetting me with my grief avoidance when a few months passed and I was in an auto accident .So now I was occupied with a fractured knee - how timely, yet another reason to avoid the real pain-,then just as I was well enough and again returned to school this insane virus takes over & now I am home bound again feeling very isolated and with plenty of time to face my feelings, no more excuses: an amalgam of guilt, regrets, loneliness ( we did everything together), anger (I did not tend as I should have to friends whom I lost track of). So there you have it. So finally circumstances have finally forced me to deal with unresolved feelings. I am committed to start working thru these feelings & yes as fate would have it a friend introduced me to someone who is local and with whom I feel I can open up to. So I will begin a new journey. And I again thank you for your kind offers and suggestions for follow up.
In appreciation,
Maggie
Replies to "Jim, Thank you so much for your prompt and ever so thoughtful response to my posting...."
And a car accident on top of it all! You've had a full plate this year.
My wife and I love our home on ten acres, but it can be a positive or negative thing. The positive side - quiet days and nights, space to breathe, surrounded by cultivated fields, a warm house on these cold days, plenty of space to plant trees and gardens, lots of room for our dogs to run and play and explore. The negative list is shorter - a lot of time required for building and yard maintenance, isolated, too far from church to get to meetings and visit with people we're getting to know, unhealthy isolation associated with mental ill health.
I'm pleased to know that you have someone you can talk to. That's been a life saver (too literally) for me, to have access to therapy, where I can talk about things I'd never before told anyone.
The grief process is sometimes presented in a set format of stages. I've found that most people do it at their own pace and don't fit the formula. I hope people haven't tried to tell you that you should be getting over it by now. (That's something I've heard with regard to my depression.) That's so unhelpful. For one thing, many of us never "get over it", even 5 or 10 years in. It isn't healthy to rush it. Much better to take it at your own pace and in your own way.
One of these days I'll post a list I've made of things not to say to a hurting person.
Gotta go. Stay safe.
Jim
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@maggie45. It’s been an incredibly tough time for you, and now the isolation brought about by this pandemic. You know we are just a keyboard away, and there are other social outlets available online, plus of course FaceTime with family.
We don’t do FaceTime much but I do talk to my son daily now - he calls us every day to see how we are doing, fearing that one of might get coronavirus. My daughter is texting frequently too, so that helps me a lot even though my husband is here too. If you have children or other relatives with whom you are close it’s a great time to be connecting more. Most of us get caught up in our daily lives and connections can suffer. I’m glad you have Brady, dogs are wonderful companions. My daughter lost hers last August and has just adopted another dog she was fostering. I think the dog is already in love with her!
JK