I lost my mother (my only remaining parent) in March of this year. I chose to leave and not see a dead body. My siblings understood. I am a newly discovered “empath”. It takes me so long to recover. I miss her more than anything. I go through daily tears if I am not busy with work or activities -mundane ones; of wanting more time with her. Wishing I had lived closer; wishing I did more; wishing I was stronger to have stayed till the end.

Slowly just last month my childlike bewilderment of “searching for her and wondering where did she go?“ matured to a sense she lives in my heart. I felt happier for first time wrt to her passing.

Grief is perplex. I ache horribly. Emotionally and physically. It has changed me completely. I somehow do not want to see my siblings. I want to grieve alone. I feel free finally not have to force myself to visit. Finally I am putting myself first.

I don’t know what to expect in the near-now or future.