Hi. Sorry for your loss.. Will keep you in my prayers. It seems as if
you will never be the same. Happened to me when our mom passed at the age
of 53 and dad before that was barely 44. I am the oldest of 7 subs. Had a
husband and son at the time. Not only did I grieve the loss of a parent I
thought I needed to become responsible for everyone. It took me on a road
of depression and anxiety on and off for years. I am now 78 and we still
feel the void. Now I am in grief for my husband who has PPA non stroke
related and AD. Had to admit to nursing home in Jan. Its,a change and
lonesome life, even with a loving family. 4 children 8 grands and 2
GREATgrands. 1st Thanksgiving celebrated without Dad, Grandpa....now
hoping we can arrange for wheel chair van for Christmas.

@lizny It's surely difficult (difficult isn't the best word but I can't think of an appropriate one). My mom died 3 days before Christmas, and Dad died on Father's Day. My grief for Mom's passing was more intense and immediate. In our family she was the comforter and the glue. When Dad died I shed some tears at his memorial service, but it didn't hit me for a few months, until I needed to call him and ask his advice for something. It's at times like that that bring up the feelings.

The grief process is different for each person. And for the most part, it never goes away completely. I think that's a good thing because it keeps alive all that person meant to us. I remember some of the unpleasant experiences, but mostly as time goes by I tend to focus more and more on the love we shared and the good memories.

I encourage friends who are grieving to acknowledge the grief, and not to be afraid of it, and not to feel guilty for feeling it for being affected by it for a longer time than some people do. There will be people who think you should be over it by now, and you should be moving on. But those are unkind, thoughtless things that people who've never been there.

Feel your pain. It's ok. It will be a salve.

Jim

@lizny Hi Sunshine. I know how difficult it is to go through the holidays after having lost your mother fairly recently. In my experience, there will always be that hole, but in time you learn to live with it and it takes more of a backseat. I lost my parents when I was much younger -- I was 15 when my father passed away, and 27 when my mother died but I still miss them. I am sure you did everything you could in caregiving, please do not feel any guilt. As an aside, interestingly, both my daughter and my sister's daughter, neither of whom were born while my mother was alive, feel strong attachments to her. When my daughter was going through a tough time a while back she asked for pictures of my mother because she felt her presence strongly. I do believe our loved ones are always with us, just in a different way.

To all of us who are grieving the loss of a loved one, I wish the holiday season will still be one of some joy and happiness. Your loved one would want that.
Hugs to all, JK