Sarah, I am deeply sorry the loss of your son. I have buried a baby boy, it was almost three years ago that he died unexpectedly. I too used to have a cheerful, upbeat personality and things have changed so much. My friends who haven't experienced deep loss just don't get it, and it annoys me when they try to look on the bright side of my son's death. I don't think we ever need to find something positive about death do we? I am learning that grief and joy can live together. After my son's death, my six month old went into multi-organ failure and nearly died. We spent five weeks in the PICU and go back often to the hospital. I hear the flight for life helicopters and they haunt me. Every time I go back (in my mind) to the PICU and the near loss of my second son and the death of my first. It is hard to process all these things as not many of my friends have been through such trauma and shock. I wish you strength and thank you for sharing about your precious boy. He sounds like such a smart, charming little guy.