I have tried everything. I did connect with an excellent grief counselor from church but she got a boyfriend and moved away. I was devastated. I recently joined a Compassionate Friends group but most of the members are couples; moms and dads who have each other to lean on. Being divorced, I don't have that. I always feel like the "fifth wheel" in these situations. I see them holding hands, husbands comforting their wives with their arm around them and there I sit....alone. There are times when I would pay for a hug....literally. Even those of us who grieve the loss of a child don't really know what to do for someone like me. I need a real connection but in seven years, haven't found that. No support from my family. My daughter lives an hour away and she rarely even mentions her brother. I know she is grieving but in a different way. My sister told me one time that I was making losing my son "all about me". WTH? I am his mother. I still recognize his birthday (which no one else ever does), I still think about him every single day. I think about the love that he missed out on by not marrying, having children, grand children.....all of the things we assume will happen in our lives, don't. My daughter doesn't have any children, nor is able to have any. I'm never going to be a grandma, which is excruciating. I have tried volunteering in the schools but they keep putting me in the office to help the secretaries when I really want to work with the kids....It's not for lack of trying and putting myself out there. I have done everything and anything I can think of to find some kind of purpose in this world. But I haven't been able to do that. I am desperately searching, praying, and hoping for a real miracle....I don't know how much longer I can do this.