@sadiesmom I'm so sorry for all the trouble you have had You are a survivor for sure dealing with alot in your life .The hardest would be your son taking his life. My nephew took his life it was extremely hard on his Mom the whole family then my other nephew drowned It just doesn't seem fair but it takes a very strong person to get through and you are . Just keep looking up Does meditation help you you said you have gone to different groups and medication maybe you just need arms wrapped around you Here,s a big cyber hug for you 🤗