Thank you all for your kind and caring comments. We never, ever know what folks go through in life. When I was married and the kids were in school, I thought I had the perfect life. I loved my husband and my kids were my world. We did so many fun things as a family. My ex had a heart attack at 46 and I think after that he completely changed. Maybe the fear of dying young was in the back of his mind and he wanted to get out and see what else there was in life, I don't know. But I do know it killed me....going through a horrendous divorce while our son was on his third deployment sent me over the edge. I had to be hospitalized and he told he was glad he got "rid of me" when he did. I loved being a wife and a mother and did every thing in my power to be good at it. Worked full time, kept a clean and tidy home, ran the kids all over kingdom come while their dad worked shift work, kept myself up, but I have never felt like I was "enough" for anyone. My son left a note that he was ashamed of the man he had become.....he wasn't what he was raised to be. He saw more in his early 20's than most men see in a life time but he just couldn't figure out how to get out from under the demons....I'm wondering if I ever will. God bless all who struggle. This world is an evil place and evil lurks where you least expect it...