Hello @trider7140 I am Scott and I lost my wife of 41 years after a 14+ year war with brain cancer. I still grieve her loss and I, too, have strange dreams about her, which often have no bearing on my real feelings for her and/or anything that actually happened in life. I have been told the same by our adult children from time to time as well.

That said, I experience the same type of thing with dreams about almost anything I dream about I actually cannot think of a dream I had that mimicked some portion of my actual life. They always have some proportion of jumble in them!

When we are grieving and our brains are trying to make sense of our different reality it works overtime, even when we are sleeping.

Our subconscious works in mysterious ways, which I believe our conscious selves cannot always comprehend.

Just my thoughts on this complex topic.

@trider7140 I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds very strange. I have some very odd dreams also, but none that would be as upsetting as that. I hope your therapist or grief group can help you with what may be causing them.

Despite having an unusual relationship with your mother, you are very lucky to have had her for so many years. She must have been such a good person to have fostered so many children. My own mother passed away when I was 27, my father when I was a teen, so I miss that I never had a real adult relationship with them.
JK

@trider7140 Hi I'm Linda, lioness My Dad died when I was 6 my Mom lived till 90 died from Alzheimer's But I was angry at my Dad for leaving me what helped was going out to the cemetery and just tell him all your feelings it helped maybe do that going to your Mom,s would act as a release from some feelings you had from growing up so quickly might help

@trider7140 I have just made my way back to your original post. I wonder if you had a chance to say goodbye to your mother or if it was too quick and she was gone before you got to her. If so, it may be that you are angry that you were robbed of that last healing conversation. Anger can be suffocating, which is a close association to your dream in my opinion. She actually may also be angry that she was unable to have that last "blessing" goodbye discussion. If you and she ever talked about her death and after death wishes, remembering that conversation might help you now. I know it helped me when my father died and will also help when mother passes. The time was right for him and is right for mother whenever it happens. They lived hard, difficult lives providing and caring for many people in many ways. They had nothing to regret, even though they did regret any time anything happened that they wished they could have changed. In my chain of thinking they "earned" their death. They were faithful and true and I will always remember them that way. It is not easy, but it is "right" that they should go before me and not have to live through my death.
I have been angry at someone's death when teenagers I mentored lost their lives driving recklessly after drinking and driving carelessly. That was tougher for me but I was able to get past it my remembering that they took the risks knowing the possibility of the consequences they received. It would have been worse for me if they had taken those risks without knowing that there was another way, because that would have meant that they really had no one in their lives to teach or show them better choices.
I do believe that if you can find a way to focus more on the good memories with your mother it will help you heal, but these coming months will be tough. Thankfully you have resources on board to help you make it through. And, we are all here for you. Blessings.