Amber, I can relate to not being wanted. I am the last of six children. I think the first one was absolutely wanted. My mother had three boys. First one, she thought was God's gift--she loved him soo much. Second child a boy, passed away at ten months. Very Sad. Third child a boy. My father was an alcoholic and was so mean when he was drinking. My mother had a girl whom my dad loved. Eight years later, another girl came along--she was hit by a car when she was a toddler. My mother took such good care of her, she adored her. Eighteen months after girl number two, I came along. She was not happy about having another child. Does a child know she is not wanted. She does when her father calls her the black sheep and she gets blamed for everything bad that happens. Scapegoat. My sister was born with beautiful curly hair--me? straighter than a poker. People would say: Isn't she cute, why she's darling, she's beautiful. EWWW, what happened to her (me)? Her hair. My sister could sing beautifully--I couldn't ever carry a tune. She's sing and everyone raved. I tried to sing. Ha Ha I even got kicked out of a kid's church choir. People laughed. I was so embarrassed. Mortified. Told I was ugly when compared to curly Sue. Well, when you believe something, you live with it. My mother loved my father all the days of their lives. They were married 56 years and passed at age 76. I begged her to divorce him. She said it wasn't that easy. She couldn't work at a job. Her legs were ropes of varicose veins. She had so many health issues. Anyway, I married a very handsome, I can't write the words on paper, person who never really loved me. When I was pregnant, he was never home, when he did come home, he had lipstick on his lips and face. Me, nine months pg and he comes home at three am, only God knows where he was. I could write a book about my horrible life and all my operations and illnesses. The only saving grace is, I believe in God and I will have a better life in the future. I want you to love yourself. You were not a mistake and neither was I. God loves you very much. We all do. That's why we are here. To share, to give you a virtual hug. Woogie