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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
I don't know if I know how to grieve. I lost my mom , almost 3 months ago. I weeped some everyday, holding her hand, while she was dying from cancer. When I got the call one morning, telling me she died, I was numb. Mom and I were very close. I didn't want to see her after she died. I don't know if I was wrong on that decision or not. I feel guilty for not being there during or after her death. I can get a little weepy thinking of her, but I haven't ever just had a good crying spell. My husband and I live in FL, mom lived in NY, and I was with her for 3 months. When I came home, after the funeral, after arrangements to auction off my parents belongings, putting the house on the market, going thru a flood while there, I started to talk to my husband about my ordeal. He stopped me cold, told me he had his own depression, and didn't want to hear about my loss. I feel and look like I aged five yrs over the summer. Am I holding in grief, or is my husband right, when he says, if I talk about my mom, it only reinforces the memories and loss?
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@lindafrisbie Please be assured that there is no right or wrong way, length of time, or plan for grief. We each have our own and it may be different for each person we lose. I feel the monumental job you have already completed in 3 months. When my father died I had mother to make final decisions, but much of it landed on me. During the years since we have reduced her material possessions and she has moved into a nursing home. Her final plans will be up to me to complete. Fortunately I have been able to discuss her wishes with her and can be assured that she is ready and comfortable with what we will provide for the extended family and community to remember her. Also, fortunately for me I only live 30 minutes away. I miss my father every day, but have only wept significantly once during the last 10 years and that was several years after his funeral. I am surprised about that because I am an emotional person. I have no idea how I will behave at mother's funeral, but I suspect I will not publicly weep because of some family members that are overly dramatic and love to call attention to themselves in any possible way. Sometimes I can talk to my husband, other times not. It depends on what is going on in his life. You do need someone to talk to though. Use us if you like, or a friend, counselor or clergy. Whoever you feel most comfortable with. You have been under a great strain for a year, so it is not unusual for it to show on your face. In my experience, talking about issues makes them more manageable for me, so I do not agree with your husband. However, that is his way to manage his emotions, which may also be feeding his depression. In your case I would just take care of my own grief and hope that he sees you improve over time and decides to open up. You are and will continue in my prayers. Blessings and love to you.