@gemmax -- I see you are a fairly new member here on Connect, so wanted to say "welcome."

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I feel similarly about my sister, who is my only sibling, and can't imagine losing her.

My understanding of the grief process is that it can come in waves, just as you described. I'd like to introduce you to a few members who might have some insights on your loss and grieving process, like @jimhd, @hopeful33250, @muppey, @sunnymygirl, and @kathy4385.

@gemmax -- have you found anything to be helpful as you've gone through your grieving the loss of your brother?

Hello @gemmax I am Scott and I am sorry to read of your loss. I lost my wife just over a year and a half ago and I can understand your comment well. Grief is a strange, twisted journey all its own and one that follows its own path, ebbing and flowing often at very unexpected times and places. I've found my grief has been totally different from the path so often attributed to it in so many of the books and pamphlets I was given.

I wish I had an answer to handling grief better for us all. The only things I can say are two things that have tended to help me. First, I have accepted that feelings of loss and grief will always be with me from now on. Accepting this has made me feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin these days. Second, I've tried to keep busier than I used to be since, for me at least, it is the quiet times when I find I struggle the most with my grief.

I wish you continued courage, strength, and peace!

Hello @gemmax

I would like to add my "welcome" to that of Lisa's and Scott's. I am so pleased that you posted here on Connect. This is a very supportive and encouraging community.

Yes, it is my understanding that recovery from grief is definitely not a straight line but more like a zig-zag. You can be going along feeling pretty OK and then all of sudden there is a major downward tumble and you feel like you are back at Stage 1 of the grief process. Don't despair when these times come, it is all part of the process and you will come up again.

Your brother sounds like an exceptional person and you must miss him greatly. Can you share one memory of him?

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Teresa

@gemmax,
Hi, Sorry for your loss. Strange how that brick wall comes along smacking you without notice. I'd been reading and posting here when one day several weeks ago I was puzzled because I woke up and it seemed as if I was doing real good, energy, ready to go to work, sun shining. I asked one of the mentors about that because it didn't seem real that I'd be torn one day and wake up the next like it was all done. "It" came back. @lisalucier mentioned that it can come in waves, it does.
Keep coming back because this is a great site and we'll lend a shoulder.

My brother Stephen gave me his Jeep about three weeks before he passed, I still have it after all these years and I still thank him everyday I get in it. Steve would listen to me right now, I know because he'd done it in the past. He was more philosopher type.
Take Care!
Mark

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother. I know that brick wall and I’ve hit that wall more than once. I just want u to know you’re not alone, and no matter what happens I am willing to listen. Everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way. Some days I’m great, others I just have to cry and feel her loss. It’s a fresh wound and I have a slow healing process ahead of me. I’m thankful I have a group of people that understand and listen to me . Sunnymygirl

@muppey and @gemmax your discussion of brick walls reminded me of a time that was extremely difficult for me. The standing phrase at that time was "dig a little deeper" and I thought of it often. Finally one day I was resting in the sun in the back yard and figured out that when you are at the bottom of the "old oaken" bucket and trying to dig out the bottom of the bucket with a plastic beach shovel, there is no more possibility of digging. I just had to curl up on the bottom of that bucket and wait for the rain and manna. As you can see, I eventually got out of it . . . and glad to be out.

@sunnymygirl
Thanks, nice! It's like we are all little creators here. What's bigger than a little love?

@2011panc,
Was it dark down there? Nice to hear from you some more. Far out? That's an old hippie thing. Glad you're enjoying the sunshine. I've been trying to take little walks around the acres here and sometimes up the road. I've never been a walker, a little hiking but mostly my Jeep. Now I get to walk behind the mower. The grass is growing big this year. Where'd that drought go? Belay that! Don't need more drought, water needs hauling to my house when that happens. Money too, they haul the money out and let me haul the water. I pay them?

Funny listening to the wild turkeys out there right now. Those Tom's are the biggest show offs...ain't I pretty? What's that all about? Women are pretty in this world and in Turkey World the guys are. Fun to watch them though. All the turkey chicks get on the outside and watch, who's gonna win the prize. LOL. Strange a bunch of birds can make you laugh. Ever seen a flock of Robbins after munching on a pyrochantha bush. The berries are fermented and the birds are stoned and can't stay on the wire. My Dad used to go out back and laugh his head off. Used to be hundreds in a big drunken bird goof. We never see videos of that stuff on tv.

@muppey -- I grew up in Marin County, and our house had pyracantha bushes in the yard and glass sliding doors on the same side of our home. We sure buried a lot of birds we placed in shoeboxes who ate the berries and then hit the glass doors.

@muppey I don't know what you are referring to when you ask if it was dark down there? I can't seem to find the post you are referring to. Yes, far out is a hippie left-over phrase. I never considered myself a hippie, although I am familiar with the time frame and language.

I am quite happy to have sunshine and warm days to enjoy after a long, cold and icy winter. Mostly I am glad to be feeling better. It seems my mood is mirroring my physical well-being. I would never wish for drought, it is so hard on everyone and everything. I am glad not to have to haul water like we did when I was a child and the household well failed.

Thinking about wild animals in general, the males are attention getters and more flamboyant. I have always assumed it was to draw attention away from the females and offspring to assure their safe-keeping and perpetuation of the species. Isn't it too bad that humans don't always follow that pattern? I say that out of my own experiences, when the men that were supposed to protect and provide for me failed completely. I'm sure you can understand in reverse.

I was going to try to post some photos, but I haven't figured out how to get them from my phone to my computer yet. I was enjoying my "buds" lol. I am glad to hear you are continuing to reach out. Continued blessings to you.