I'm so sorry. I understand somewhat how you feel. Grieving is a lonely place and each of us handles it differently. I have never lost a mate to death, but I lost an adult son. I felt no one could help me. I felt if they touched me I would fall apart. I played golf most days (alone), slept alone and relived the end of his life over and over. However, finally one day I was ready to accept I had to find a way to live. Ever so slowly I started reaching out to others who were hurting more than me. We are often healed when helping others. God certainly understands our grief and wants to heal us. It takes time. Also I came to believe that there are other things in life that are worse than death. I hope your healing begins soon.
My husband also has liver cancer and I know I will grieve again as he gets worse and I lose him.
Bless you!