@kdawn32, You said, "I could use prayers..." I did and will. I've mentioned on this thread that sometimes, seems all the time, I upset people and find myself wondering what did I do this time. I also used to tell my wife that I'm not that strong, but I believe that in due time I'll get that strength, happened before and it'll happen again.

Grief in your case will last a long time and I know that. If you think I was dismissing your grief or anyone's grief I apologize a lot. I am happy and sad at the same time because a real live person decided to visit me. Sorry for myself, (sounds like John Denver's song) for losing my wife, but as another person said here, "you can't control other people."

When Mezi was here I started using my first wife's name, Paula, instead of my current x wife's name which is Mary. Caught myself after a time or two. Where'd that come from?
Little Mezi was putting up a strong front when I met her at the store. Then she came by my place and started talking and I knew she was hurting. She made a statement "Maybe he just doesn't like me!" I told her that she is very likeable, and she said "Really!" Yes Mezi.

Kim, you can go to the county and get a copy of your Dad's will. I did that many years ago. Can't remember if there is a copy fee or not. I think it's the county clerk, but if not they will direct you. Snooping and or removing documents is another disturbing thing which I don't appreciate.

This morning I hesitated in going to a site which delivers a daily brief for people. This is part of what the man wrote..."Have you felt deserted by God? Is your heartache more than you can bear? We may feel that God has dealt harshly with us, that He has allowed more than we can bear to come upon us. Life brings pain and discouragement to us all.
Cheer up! Rejoice!..(then) Let your heartache be eased by His outstretched arm of compassion."

That outstretched arm comes from other people if you and I keep our eyes open. It really doesn't matter if you are Christian or not. I've watched videos on tv where people have done incredible feats of kindness and courage as they risk their lives to save a person trapped by raging floods, burning cars and other stuff. No one asked them dumb questions as to their belief's, they saw a need and did it. It's a human thing.

The people here are great and I appreciate them because they allowed me to "vent my spleen" which is very cathartic for me, you, and everyone here.

Part of being strong for me is deciding I am, with help, but right now I feel very week physically, but I'm trying to get up. Like you said everyone is different. May be that you are all alone and that can be a problem but, what can I say. I told my therapist that I'm not interested in suicide. I want to get my strength back. I always go to long. May be that I am faking it!
I pray for you!
Mark