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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
The first one in 2013 and I still have problems with it and my girlfriend was 4 months later in 2014 I believe. Then I lost my mom 7 months later in 2014 I have guilt from that because I was living out of state when that happened and I feel I should have came home sooner to be closer to her. Even though I called her every day it was not enough for me. When she was in hospice my sister said she may not come back because of some bad blood between her and someone else in the family. It just got my blood boiling because of where we were at and what was going on. I made a smart remark that she may not have to worry about it because the way mom was breathing she probably won't be with us much longer. I kick myself in the butt for saying that to this day. It was wrong because mom probably heard me and I feel so bad about that. I guess the guilt of me not being close to her and everything else that was going on.
Then my step dad died 5 months later in 2014 I was not close to him because of the past but still I hated to know he was suffering. Don't like to see or hear anyone suffering no matter what happened in the past. He had called me before and wanted to come live with me because the other kids where trying to put him in a home. I could not take him for one because I was and still raising my grandbaby and two because there is no way I could let him live with me. I sound just like my mother and I believe he wanted to be with me because of that and I am so much like my mom.
In between those losses I started raising my granddaughter in 2014 also. I believe God gave me her to help me cope with all these losses and of course for other reasons. I finally realized I need to come home because of other relatives getting up in ages and I wanted to be close to them and other family members.
I returned back home to Ohio in 2017 I was caring for a friend of the family because he lived close to me and needed someone to help him. He also had lung problems. So I went to meet him and found out I could help him some. He was very nice and enjoyed my company and coming by. He had just lost his daughter to heroin and was hurting badly for losing her. He was very nice man with a good heart. I was so glad I could help him the short time I could but I hated to hear he had passed on. He was suffering terrible and you could tell he was afraid. I lost him last year.
Just so many losses so close together.
Replies to "The first one in 2013 and I still have problems with it and my girlfriend was..."
Thank you Teresa. I had also lost both my step mothers last year. I love them both dearly. They were always good to me. Like I said so many losses so close together. I have not looked into grief support groups. Maybe I will check into those if I get a chance. Hard to do with a 3 year old running around but she is what keeps me going and brings me so much happiness. I put all my focus on her. Talking on here is my down time when she is asleep. Thank you so much for having this board where people can just talk about their feelings without being judged. God Bless all of you.
Ahh, @littleonefmohio believe me they know when they are going. Your mom knew. So your slip up in front of her about her breathing was nothing she didn't know. Stop beating yourself up on that one. Go read what you posted, but put one of the others names in place of yours. What would you think? Wow this person obviously loved their mom. They did so much for her. I read what you wrote and am in awe of your resilience. It gives me hope that I too can get through this time.
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@littleonefmohio
You have had a lot of losses, close together - I'm so sorry that you had to experience so much in such a short period of time. You are to be applauded for all of the efforts you made on behalf of all of the people that you lost.
It is very common to feel that we didn't do enough when someone was dying. However, as human beings we have only limited time, energy, resources and abilities to care for others and still take care of ourselves. You have to give yourself permission to do what you can and realize that none of us is "super woman" that is only in the movies.
You are obviously very sensitive and care about people and that is too your credit. However, that sensitivity can make it hard to accept our humanness as well. So give yourself a break and realize that you probably did what you could and you were appreciated for who you were at the time. Is it possible to connect with a Grief Support Group? Often funeral homes in the area will have a list of such groups in your area. Give a call and see what might be available for you - I'm sure it would help you over this difficult time.
Please keep posting as you can, I am glad to get to know you better. Remember: Take it easy on yourself!
Teresa