← Return to Loss and Grief: How are you doing?

Discussion
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor (@hopeful33250)

Loss and Grief: How are you doing?

Loss & Grief | Last Active: 3 days ago | Replies (853)

Comment receiving replies
@vthatch

I think that my life has more grief than anything else. I list my Dad to ALS when I was a child, my Mother told me she didn’t want to have me and my Dad wouldn’t let her get an abortion. (I am the youngest of 8 Children.). She too be from Missouri to Michigan to live with my sister who was 17 years older than me and had 3 young children. I actually didn’t know her very well when I moved there. I lost all my friends and everything that I knew as safe.
I was sexually abused by my brother in law but was able to stop it, I just lived in fear a lot. With that family we moved three times. I went to 3 different high schools. As an adult I had one miscarriage, lost 2 of my brothers who were in their 40 s, and just continue to loose people. A little over a year ago I lost my daughter to Cancer. I also List most of my life to a medical disability that had me quit my job early and loose any sense of purpose. I keep moving forward but am a bit tired of trying to be better.

Jump to this post


Replies to "I think that my life has more grief than anything else. I list my Dad to..."

Hello vhatch.. I am sorry that your life has had so many hard things to deal with, yet here you are writing about it in a support group kind of letter which to me shows strength..and are willing to share th8ngs in your life which shows you havent completely lost your ability to trust.. i at times in my life have often wondered why things have to be so difficult to endure for some and not so much for others, and the only thing which i was able to find that makes some sense was some of the beliefs of some of the eastern religions who believe in karma and that we choose what we experience in our present lifetimes for the betterment of our souls. If we choose we can really be mad at life but content knowing we will get thru them.. Might sound a bit far fetched but to me it was something i could hold onto to give the hard times meaning. I too had brothers and sisters who were alot older than I was …my brother was old enough to be my father.. i was a midlife accident i believe 🙂 but i truly feel i made my fathers last years on earth happy, and he gave me wonderful memories he died of alzeiheimers when i was a teen and my mother and I had to move to a small house 50 miles away that became available for sale next door to my sister. And experienced things as you mentioned starting a new school in high school, making new friends, dealing with a kinda new culture (each area is different). and i think i have been looking for someone like my father ever since someone that had such kindness. Sometimes when i am really down i try to concentrate on the really good people that have been in my life (and do get sad that they are gone) but at least i got to experience them. I also try to concentrate on the strength i have developed in dealing with the things i have and havent stayed bitter.. dont get me wrong at times i am very bitter but i always seem to manage to pull myself out of that frame of mind and try to think of the blessings i have experienced.. there is verses in the bible that was made into a song back in the 60s called turn turn turn a time to be born etc.. and i truly believe that is life and we are to experience all of it with all the sadness, happiness, fear and other feelings and come out on the other side feeling our strength in having surrvived or enjoyed each experience life may bring us.. sometimes its truly in the way you look at things even horribly hard things to look at.. i hope day by day your strengh grows and your confidence and your tolerence to this thing called life, believe me i know at times its not easy at all…take good care and enjoy at least some part of your weekend 🙂

Thank you for your encouragement. I don’t believe Karma is a part of this. I have tried very hard to live my life with love and kindness toward everyone. I have taken in and helped a number of people in my life too.
I have a deep faith in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. ThT hasgitten methrough the hard times.

Hello @Liebchen50

You have shared some wonderful ideas with us on coping with loss and grief. I like what you said, ” I try to concentrate on the really good people that have been in my life (and do get sad that they are gone) but at least I got to experience them.” Being grateful for what we have had in the past helps us to see loss a little differently.

I’m glad that you posted about your experiences.

Teresa

@vthatch

Yes, in giving yourself to others you do help yourself!

Teresa

Thank you Teresa..i do truly think we are blessed with good people when they do come into our lives and as much as it hurts when they are gone (death or leaving) we need to remember to celebrate that they were in our lives to begin with and have the memories of that..No one ever promised life was going to be easy and most of the time it seems it is just the opposite but dwelling on the aches of the heart and body (and believe me I am a “dweller”) just keeps them with us and up front in our minds, while the memories that would make us smile and feel peaceful are alittle deeper all we need to do is to remember to dig alittle deeper when we are hurting and go to a to place where we were happy or at least peaceful. I believe Jesus is my Lord and savior as I was raised but i dont turn my back and i dont think either would he at the people who are truly trying to comfort and help by the words beliefs and philosophies they may have. I think we are all connected as well as our ideas and beliefs..hope your having a peaceful day Teresa 🙂

@Liebchen50 Yes, as you say, “the memories that would make us smile and feel peaceful are a little deeper all we need to do is to remember to dig a little deeper when we are hurting and go to a to place where we were happy or at least peaceful,” are very important words.

Might we all spend time today, “digging deeper.”

Teresa

vthatch, No one should lose their child, that's pain, indescribable.
Hope your not offended by this account but to me it's comforting and was to my wife. This is a little story about King David as his new born child lay dying. David had been praying and fasting for seven days. "22 He (King David) said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ 23 But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” David said that he would see his son one day. It's sad I know but I really believe this is true. You can to and have some hope.
Years ago I wrote a poem called, It Hurts When They Steal Your Dreams Away. Maybe I'll dig it out and post it. I've shared some of my poems with Mary but not much to anyone else.
I can understand your sorrows. But I've been in good health all my life and only a few days ago had my first hospital stay. Boring!
Dreams are shattered and then you wonder why you keep on going on. Sometimes there are good days and far to many bad days. I know, been there a long time. I used to dream a lot about being successful in my endeavor's but something always stopped me and with each try, there were many, just something always ruined things.
My wife left about 45 days ago on Feb 1, just poofed away without a word, they call it ghosting. Bad thing to do to someone.
Anyway a couple of nights ago at about 5:00 I got a wash of comfort and release from my pain. I was saying to myself, "Yes, if I can hold on to this I'll be fine in no time." I was really happy. No drugs, or alcohol. Problem was it didn't show up in the morning.
I'd like to give that relief to you vhatch, it's wonderful even for a few hours, I'll take several years of it but that's not how this cruel world works.
Get well! There is always hope. I talked to the VA crisis line the other day at 2:00 am. It's principle purpose is suicide prevention but they told me it's also for people like me who just need a good talk. I was trying to prevent another seizure really because after a few of them you know when it's going to happen. It worked and I got three hours of sleep that night. The problem now is the VA thinks I'm suicidal and I'm not. I told the VA therapist chick that I'm interested in getting strong again.
Talking and writing really works as I just said above. I didn't have a seizure because of the VA. People trash them a lot but they can only do so much for very little cost to us..
Praying for a little relief for you, maybe a lot of relief. Think about it. It just came over me without thinking about it but I guess thinking is praying, whatever. I don't believe in formal prayers as they are not from the heart.

Liebchen50 "wondered why things have to be so difficult to endure for some and not so much for others" I worked for a guy in our small town, he owned a successful restaurant and he'd bought a fixer upper home. He hired me to do some work there as I'm a general contractor, makes it easy as I'm responsible for taxes etc. Anyway I saw him at the hardware store one day and said, "Hi! How's it going?" He replied, "Perfect, I'm perfect!" I said good and left scratching my head wondering what it felt like to be able to say such a thing.
Still wonder about it.

  Request Appointment