Welcome to Connect, @sarahkane.
I moved your message to this existing discussion as I thought it would be beneficial for you to be introduced to the many members who are discussing much of what you are experiencing.
If you click on VIEW & REPLY in your email notification, you will see the whole discussion and can join in, meet, and participate with other members talking about their or their loved ones' experiences.

While we wait for members to join in, here are two studies, both of which conclude that, "Cheilectomy has demonstrated excellent outcomes for early stages of hallux rigidus, while arthrodesis is the gold standard for end-stage hallux rigidus.”
– https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5434342/
– https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2473011418764461

@sarahkane, have you ruled out other conservative measures – orthotics, special shoe styles, shoe pads – to get some relief? Do you have family or friends who might be able to help out with the kids if you opt for surgery?