Hello, jo54. My Mother had COPD and you're right, outwardly she looked fine. She was also one that had a lot of health problems that we weren't sure if it was real or just an attention grabber. But when she got really sick it scared me so much that I could hardly watch her try and breath. I'm terrified of not being able to breath myself and to watch her try and get a good breath gave me so much anxiety. So it wasn't that I didn't care, it was that it just hurt so bad to watch her suffer. But what I didn't realize was that she was as scared as I was and she just needed someone to be with her so she wasn't alone thinking about it. Maybe your family has the same fears. Have you ever sat them down and asked them how they truly feel about your disease? My granddaughters now won't even talk about my disease. They carry on as if nothing is wrong. They never come over to help me, never call to check on me. I know they love me but they are afraid and they just young and immature. They have their own lives and old, sick people don't fit into their lives. They weren't raised that way, I assure you. Our family took care of one another when each of us were sick. The world has hardened the hearts of people. My prayers is that you could talk to your family and tell them your needs in a way that won't scare them or put them off. Help them understand your disease if they will let you. God will never leave us or forsake us. That's where I get my strength. Maybe I've missed the point of your post. If I have, I apologize. You sound a lot like me now. I loved reading, especially my Bible. I still do but not as much. I don't do enough to take care of myself. Almost like I've already given up and I was just diagnosed.!!!! It's like I'm so scared that I don't know what to do or where to start. But aren't we blessed to have this group to talk to and share our thoughts, ask and answer questions and just vent sometimes? I've never belonged to any kind of group like this before and I'm so thankful I found this group, It has helped more than anything so far. I pray for the people on here and appreciate all they contribute, even if it's just venting or complaining because that gives me some insight of what I might expect to happen to me at some point. Please don't stop reading, try and feel like The Lord is right there with you because He really is. I imagine He's sitting on the couch beside me and it is so comforting. I make myself read so I'm not just always thinking about my disease process. In all ways, try to be at peace with yourself and keep in mind that God will be with you through this and at the end you'll be in Heaven, strong and well again. When I think about my suffering I think about the Passion of the cross and all He went through and suffered. Then I feel better. i pray you can be at peace as much as is possible. God bless you.