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For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.
Replies to "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..."
I echo what @hopeful33250 said, @parus, that you have a high value here on Connect. You have wise words for others and deeply-pondered input. You also bring up valuable topics for members to discuss. Fortunate to have you here.
I'm sorry it's a down day.
What do you have planned for today, @parus? Any particular activity that helps when you feel more like this?
@parus
Self value is a tough one for me. I think that it used to be much better, but the dive into the depression hole, and being slandered in the process, gave my self value a big hit. I'm still trying to rebuild 12 years later. It's much easier to see the value in others.
You have surely established value with us here at Connect.
Jim
@jimhd Your words remind me of words from an old Simon and Garfunkle song-"I've been slandered, I've been libeled, I've heard words I've never heard in the Bible". My self worth has taken many a hit from judgmental people who relish in using the scriptures as weapons. There was depression even among the Old Testament Saints.
Low self esteem is a tough one and I can make that dive down the depression hole as well.
As to the value in others...? The judgmental ones I avoid. We all have value. It is one thing to be humble and another to become a doormat.
All white outside as we had snow last evening. Wonder if that thing about rain on Easter means rain the next 7 Sundays applies to snow??
@shoregal45 I am hypo. I take Nature-Throid as I am allergic to the synthetic Synthroid as well as the generic. I have been told to keep taking it and allow my body to adapt. Currently doing my best to comply and deal with the discomfort. 10-12 hours after taking it the side effects start to improve and I am thankful. Stay with it and see how it goes. I have had a lot of trouble with medications since I have gotten older. Goes with the territory. I know I have to take it or be in worse shape.
So sorry you have to deal with side effects. I've been on Synthroid for over 20 years. The thyroid is tricky - it's a balancing act with the numbers. I had palpitations for a long while and when my dosage was lowered the palps stopped. We have to be our own advocates. Good luck to you.
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May I ask what side effects you get from thyroid meds? Do you have hypo or hyper? I am hypo