It sure sounds like you are describing my life. Also, I am so sorry to hear some of the comments of others, yet they let me see that I am not alone in certain feelings. My depression goes back many, many years to when I was in school. I had no idea what it was. I thought there was something wrong with me. I can remember being so tired, yet having so much anxiety over the thoughts of going out with people. I was convinced I was "freak" and had no future. Of course, I could not talk with anybody about it then -- had to hold it in so my folks and friends would think I was okay -- but I wasn't. In the last few years, I look back on my life and describe it like traveling along a base line on a graph. Days above that line are in the light, days below the line are in the darkness. It is so easy to get pulled down below that line yet so very hard to climb out of it. Most days I am just so tired of it. Someone mentioned pulling away from church because it triggers PTSD for them. For me, it triggers a deep, overwhelming sadness due to two factors. First, I believed that with prayer for His blessings on me and my family, everything would be okay. That belief was crushed when my son took his own life quite uexpectedly as a freshman in college. That was a total shock that causes me utmost confusion even today over what happeened. Secondly, I am emotional at church because I have so much deep rooted guilt for feelng the way I do about it. Why can't I get the faith back that I once had? I struggle with the concept of prayer now. Why did God not hear my pleadings to protect my sons? Guilt and sadness generally prevail. Nobody said life would be easy. There are other events in life that pull at me as well. One day at a time is about all I can deal with any more.