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@seeker70 Hello and welcome. I am 66 and also a senior. There was a time that being a senior when young was full of hope. There are days when hope escapes me. I have read several comments today and realize how supportive others have been with each other. I have received insight and also saddens me to see how many are hurting. No one has chosen thus. There is hope even in our pain. There are times I cannot find hope. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. Going through this type of thing is horrific!
Do you blame yourself? I went through this with a child and I still blame myself. I have told my children that parents fail children; children do not fail parents. If I continue in my guilt I am helping no one. I have grandkids and when I see them I see hope.
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Thanks for your reply. Since I was an older mom and my daughter was adopted as a newborn, I stayed at home with her for about 10 years, and she's a single child. I know I was a good mom, but her parents divorced when she was 7 and she was also really hurt by her biological family not keeping her. She has bipolar, which her birth mother has, so I try not to blame myself too much. I loved her just like I had given birth to her and was a devoted mom. I hardly have any contact with her and miss her terribly. I wonder if all of her mental illness related stuff that I went through with her as a teenager took a toll on me. Thankfully I have my faith in God and that helped me get through. Now, I wonder if all of that had a part to play in my terrible allergy problem that became extreme during that period of time. Anyway, it's been hard for me to accept that I can't work, the depression makes you feel like you are "faking" everything and that none of it's real, this is a delusion but it feels so real! Don't know how I'm going to survive without an income. I applied for soc. sec. disab. benefit last month but it could be a very long wait and I could be turned down the first or second time, so it could be a couple of years before I got approved, if at all. All of this is a lot to deal with when you are already physically sick and dealing with depression most days. I'm really having to trust God with all this but it's hard not to obsess sometimes about it. Thanks for sharing about your child. I know I wish I could go back and fix my mistakes, but it might not have been enough. I have asked her to forgive me for my mistakes and told her how much I wanted to be the best mother I could be for her. That was a facebook private message to her, and as usual, I got no response back. At least I can see that she's alive by looking at her facebook page. I know a lot about depression, it's been a part of my life since I was little, so I know I have to reach out for support and not isolate myself. I am glad that others are having the courage to reach out on this site, it's so important.