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Hi Seeker 70,
By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a " normal" life and feed the depression.
I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn't bring this on yourself and you can't just "change your attitude" and make it go away. I was told to "pull up my boot straps" and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I'm involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).
This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It's difficult, though, because I haven't found many people of my age (I'm 55) who are interested in listening to a "boring old sad woman" (this is how I feel about myself a lot... part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it's marvelous and hopeful.
So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you're experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it's important to say this to you...You are not alone! Take care.
Replies to "Hi Seeker 70, By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out..."
You sound like a very warm and caring person. Just wanted to let you know your words applied to me also and I appreciate you making time to offer kindness and support. This is such a lonely disease. Everyday I am just hanging on.
I am also with you all, I have had depression since...well I remember it, since atleast 4rd grade and most likely all of my all of my life and I am 75...Is this a life? At any rate I wonder....all of these people US...with depression...all talking...but why??? Where is the cure? Drug companies must love us to death......I need help or will just die with this...why is there not help out there? I cant even find a doctor who cares and I have given up on that. So we have this group....but why do we need a group...we need a CURE. and I know all the answers will come flying in,blah blahl...but the basic nitty-gritty question is, we need real and physical ( probably not word of choicel) HELP/
@mattie True as other things tend to wax and wane then on to something else. A cure rather than coping would be welcomed.
Someone has mentioned that checking out DNA for the meds that will work the best is a good place for us to srart. I am not sure how prevalent this is where I live, but I will mention it to my PCP next time I see him. He's a good egg, listens, and basically tolerates me when I don't function as well as I should. It bothers me at times that we are the ones that have to push so hard to get help. We almost have to do the hard work for them, at least that's my perception. Every doctor does not have a gift for being an excellent diagnostician. Frequently they withhold the very medications that would help us because they suspect we would abuse them. Who knows what the answer is? I sure don't. But I won't quit trying. Maybe take a rest, every now and then. Yeah. That's it. Pugs and Hugs
I know that doctors don't have much time to spend with each patient now. They are very much on a "manufacturing" line, with quotas of how many patients they must see each day. That number determines how much time they have with each of us. Here it runs from 10 to 20 minutes of their time with me. Often they have student interns with them, and then I feel like a specimen rather than a person to whom they are listening and relating. Many doctors don't try to develop a relationship with their individual patients as they have so many and they come and go. As a result, doctors who went into medicine to help others are stifled in their desire to know their patients and really help them. They burn out and either become zombies to keep their jobs, they find a better health employer, or they leave healthcare entirely. These days we seem to base everything we do and every service we provide on moneymaking only. It seems to me that if we're doing the right things the right way, the goal is to take care of the customers or patients. If we do that really well, then enough money will be the result.
I am lucky to have St. Jude Heritage healthcare system as my home. I also trust and when needed use Mayo Clinic.These are 2 of the best medical providers I have used, along with St. Lukes of Kansas City. My physicians, with a very few exceptions, connected with these systems have been caring, excellent technically, and we even talk about our families, vacations, etc. I have a personal professional relationship with each of them. They listen to my physical and emotional issues and do their best to help me. As a result, I am pretty darned healthy all things considered.
I wanted to add that DNA testing is pretty new, so we must ask for it because many physicians are just not aware of it, or they haven't incorporated it into their practices yet. I think it's brilliant and can save a lot of time and agony for those of us that take antidepressants. I will ask my PCP about it when I see him in September. I just participated in a study about a possible vaccine for fibromyalgia, but when they tested me I don't have it. That's fabulous news for me. I'm sorry for those who suffer from it as do my sister and brother.
I hope this post is helpful for some of us here. I think most doctors hearts are in a good place when they start, as are nurse's hearts, but they get worn down by our health systems, insurance demands, working 10 to 12 hour shifts, and seeing very ill and injured people on a daily/hourly basis. I don't think most employers spend the time and money it takes to help their physicians and nurses deal with the emotional toll the job takes on them. The patients pay the price in the long run with detached health care workers.
Thanks for listening. We will all continue to search for the holy graile of emotional stability and joy.
Gail
Volunteer Mentor
@gailb , you are right. I know that my medical team is under so much pressure. I do try to be patient with them. I don't mind the waiting, as I always bring a book to read with me. That's about the only time I can sit down long enough to read from a book. Fortunately I have learned a little bit about how the system works. I don't take offense anymore if there's a wait. I practice mindfulness and it helps me greatly to just appreciate each moment. I remind myself there are other people with needs just as important to them as mine are to me. You never know what is going on behind the scenes. Good opportunities to work on trust issues, as well. Well, that's all I got for now, as they say here in my little Southern corner of the world! Love you, girl!
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I hear you. Im going to be 57. I've suffered since 4th grade. I have OCD and anxiety and depression