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Hi all .... well, and I may have told you this, but for Mother's Day my 3 kids went together and got me a Cocklatier .... it's a cross between a Cocker Spaniel and a Cavalier. Cavaliers are usually born with a heart murmur, which ultimately becomes congestive heart failure stage 5 and then they must be put to sleep. With the breeding of the Cocker Spaniel and Cavalier, reputable breeders are trying to breed out the heart problem. My dog is the result of 2 Coclatiers, so hopefully she'll avoid any heart problems. I couldn't believe it when they got her for me.
Well, I'm isolating again. I see my girls each once a week, and I can't expect more as one works, and the other will start full time once her kids are in school. I have 1 friend in my building, a nice lady. Otherwise here I sit.
If I'd have known what I know now I'd have never moved down here. Guess I'm just MD through and through. It's not that far apart, but it is totally different - I'm in the far, far west right next to the Blue Ridge Parkway. It's pretty, but usually the mountain are clothed in mist or fog. I know this is probably only natural since he's (my X) is down here too and has spend several years with the grandkids, but when he walks in the world stops! They run to him, hug him and start to chatter. When I walk in, they're usually playing in their rooms, eventually my granddaughter comes down (she's13), and probably if I didn't say hi first she wouldn't either, but I always make a point of going up to her and giving her a hug. Her little brother is about the same. My X has managed to get himself involved in EVERYTHING .... hiking groups, tennis groups, he leads a Scout Troop, totally involved in his church. To hear him say it, "everyone just loves him." (the narcissist's mantra). But, I never gave it a thought, when I was trying to decide whether to move down here or not, that he lived in the area too, and the affect that would have on me. We get along, but with him living here now too, well, it's just sickening.
With this Bipolar 2, I have ups and downs and this doesn't help. I'm looking for a job, so hopefully that will open up more "people" resources.
I am SO SORRY that I ever moved here. I should have stayed in Frederick. I'm sure a lot of you are sick of hearing this, but I don't have anyone else to talk to this frankly. To think this is where I'll be forever, almost makes me feel sick. I just cannot move back to MD as it would really upset my 2 daughters, but they just don't get it. I'd have to rent low income, as I do here, because I sold my condo (at a loss), and I could never afford the rent in one of the nicer neighborhoods. But at least I'd be back in a place I'd lived for 30 years and loved. Thanks for listening, again, to my never-ending saga.
abby
Replies to "Hi all .... well, and I may have told you this, but for Mother's Day my..."
@amberpep If you miss Frederick so much you really should move back there rather than being miserable. It’s a nice location (we used to go through there on our way to Mary Washington College where my daughter went) and even stayed there one time. I am sure if you explained to your daughters that you are lonely, that you completely understand that they are busy with their own lives, but you need to do what is best for YOU, that they would understand. How far is where you are now from Frederick? If it’s not too far then they can certainly visit every week or two, and if they have room you could of coures spend a couple of days with them occasionally. We always had my mother-in-law here for two nights every two weeks. DON’T BE MISERABLE, THINK OF YOURSELF.
I would love to see a picture of your new dog. What did you name her? We had a Blenheim cavalier named Keller — Gaelic for “little companion” and he certainly was. He lived to an unbelieveable 14!
JK
I am where I am because of allowing others make choices for me. Now I am out of options. Stuck here in the slums. One grandson and can no longer tolerate being compared to his mother's family. Love is not enough. I am not enough either. Fed up with the games. My mother was always right-divorce a man and you will go to hell. I have no friends here. I stay to myself as I fear being used again and I have little to give. In a terrible place and not at all being encouraging. It is up to me to deal with things. I loved my children's father but could not please him. Everyone bowed down when he entered. His body language blared out to look at him. Now I am all the family my son has and I am not good enough. Never have been and never will be. Stuff happens. All my life I heard about how I was too sensitive. I have tried not to be so sensitive and I can't change into a hard-shelled person.
At least I have a roof over my head, not in debt, can still drive, am still ambulatory-trying hard to be positive about my life.
My life is full of "should haves" too. Stuck here surrounded by noise and crime. This is all my fault. Out of options. Did this to myself so it is only "me" that is responsible.
Got to keep pushing through so I do not end up in a nursing home to rot and die.
Hi parus .... you and I are in similar boats ..... the boat of "would've, should've, could've." It's an endless cycle, but I just feel so bad and useless here. I don't know if you know the story of my divorce from my narcissistic husband of 30 years, but I feel so alone I am almost tempted to call him and see if he'd like to go to Wintergreen (a lovely skiing, hiking, swimming) set up with beautiful homes to rent .... some huge, some cottages. Now THAT's desperate. But, I'd be thinking only of fun and a little bit of closeness, he'd be thinking of round the clock sex ..... at least that's how he was.
Both my girls are trained Social Workers working with Geriatric patients. ..... they love old people and they love to go visit them. One daughter even takes her young daughter with her to visit this woman in a nursing and they play scrabble.
Not me ..... that scares the bejeebers out of me. Truly, at times with life being as it is, I do occasionally think of ending it all.
abby
Hi parus …. you and I are in similar boats ….. the boat of "would've, should've, could've." It's an endless cycle, but I just feel so bad and useless here. I don't know if you know the story of my divorce from my narcissistic husband of 30 years, but I feel so alone I am almost tempted to call him and see if he'd like to go to Wintergreen (a lovely skiing, hiking, swimming) set up with beautiful homes to rent …. some huge, some cottages. Now THAT's desperate. But, I'd be thinking only of fun and a little bit of closeness, he'd be thinking of round the clock sex ….. at least that's how he was.
Both my girls are trained Social Workers working with Geriatric patients. ….. they love old people and they love to go visit them. One daughter even takes her young daughter with her to visit this woman in a nursing and they play scrabble.
Not me ….. that scares the bejeebers out of me. Truly, at times with life being as it is, I do occasionally think of ending it all.
abby
((My computer just erased everything I wrote ...... grrrrrrr)) I'm looking for a part time job, but though they tell you that "age doesn't matter .... that's a lot of bologna. They ask you when you graduated from H.S. I should say something like when I was 8 and let them think I'm a savant! I don't think I could afford Frederick anymore. I had my condo and HoA, plus all the utilities, and my son helped me a bit too. Now? Probably not. I've been looking or low-income housing in Frederick, but unfortunately up there, the low income housing areas are where the murders, knifings all take place. Can't seem to win. My girls would really be upset, but they have no idea what this is like. An active, healthy, energetic 73 year old cannot just leave a place she loves and is busy and move to a town where she can't even find her own type of church. They love it here, but then they've been here since they got married, and they have a husband, and one of them has 2 kids. What do I have ..... my dog and 2 cats.
My dog is named Ginger. I had all sorts of Gaelic names listed for her, but one look at that tiny face with her red head and ears, and it could be nothing but Ginger. She's real sweetie but I'm having a problem with her right now ..... since she was spayed last week (she's 7 months) she's just poops in the house! She knows she's done wrong because when I find it, her head is hanging low. I don't have a yard for her to run in. She is the result of 2 Cockaliers (I think that's the spelling) . Breeders are trying to breed out of the Cavies that awful heart condition, so they breed a Cavie and a cocker spaniel = Cockalier. Both her parents were Cockaliers.
Take care my friend .... great to hear from you.
abby
@amberpep If I may,I don't think a fling with the ex is a good idea-I was married to an NPD for 14 years. I have always enjoyed older people. I cannot go visit any I know that are there. Sends me reeling. Terrified I may end there and I won't let that happen whatever it takes. My children's father won by having money. He left them well off and this is as it should be since he lied to get custody so long ago. I have a grandson I adore as he does me for now.
You are desperate if you are thinking some fun time with the N-ex. May be fun at the time????? Yeah, with life being as it is I too think about ending it as I am no longer of use to anyone. Mostly I have failed myself. All anyone has to say positive about me is she can draw and paint. That is all they see. Get so fed up hearing it I want to take every piece of art work to the dumpster. If this is the only positive thing they can say about me it is sad. I think of ending it as my father did. I am not that brave at this point and I don't own a gun. I know the guilt that still gouges my being as a survivor. Uncomfortable.
Well, this is not exactly being supportive and ought not to go in the ending it all direction. Everything ended long ago I try to dismiss my abusive past and excuse the abusers and know if I cannot forget it will continue destroying me even more. Have 2 younger sisters that are doing well with husbands nearing retirement. Their children love them and their spouses. They do family stuff. My children have never seen the dark side of me. I always present with a positive attitude and smiling face. Their spouses all have large families that love and enjoy one another. I am too old and having chronic pain does not help. Okay veering off.
If you do have a fling I will be cheering you on and hoping the fallout does not hurt you more.
My apologies to any member if this is too real. I try to be more positive and there are times I get a tad scattered and shattered.
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What about joining a Meetup group there are groups with dogs research it on internet