I will sound different here, alcohol abuses you. It contols you, it masks you, it makes you say things differently than you meant to say. You aren't the one who are hurting the people who get hurt around you it is the alcohol that went into your body. Yes you wanted it when it made you happy, not you use it to try to make you happy again. My Mom literaly died from alcoholism. She was absolutely gorgeous when she had me at 30. When she died 27 years later she was skin and bones, she was lonely because we were all living our own lives, gosh I told my girl friend across the street when her husband died I wasn't goimg to let her die like I did my Mom ( I was 26 and lived 2K away and didn't realize how bad it got My 37,38 y/o sister did) so I told my girlfriend my thoughts, it has been 20 years and she finally has gotten to the point where she says she doesn't need it to get through the night ( that's her worst time). Gosh I sound like some preacher on some high mountain, I am not. I feel if you realize that if you don't think everything has a reason to blame things on something your reacting to, you can "TRY" to laugh through your tears and that doesn't mean your tears are any less painful. For me it is eating - I lost 80 almost 90 lbs without dieting "just" not eating to eat or when I am angry or sad (not depressed, everything makes you depressed ;} ) So I say cheer up you only depressed! One of my mantro is causing me to want to erase all of this and I won't only because maybe there is one person it might help and that person might be me - Bye!