@halenbon81
Just remember It's Not Your Fault. As infants we look to our parents for Winnicott's Gleam (of love) in the parent's eye. If parents are not healthy, mentally, there is no connection. The child's Self has no reflecting mirror by which it can self identify. "Am I any good? Am I wanted,? Is there a place for me in this world?"
And mostly, like Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man "Is it safe?"
Without these developmental pieces, we have no inner compass, gyroscope, or ballast. We have to guess at what "normal" is, relying on other people and their reactions, which are not consistent or reliable, to figure out what Reality is. We end up confused, uncertain, and withdraw, probably with a sense of shame or self loathing😡, which limits our ability to go out there and try again. There is the vicious cycle.
Our parents, and their parents, and their parents (Sapolsky it's turtles all the way down) probably were caught in the same cycle. So, It's not your fault.
To fill in the void left by broken parenting, we create fantasy bubbles in which to live. But fantasies have no substance, like soap bubbles , and they POP!, leaving us with the same void/abyss- looks like freedom but it feels like death (Leonard Cohen).
It's painful, soooo We drink, drug, shop, gamble ... and replace the void with addiction , which becomes its own problem, and being comfortably(?) numb. (Pink Floyd). Until we're not. Dead?
Like I said, I am no holy roller, but both Jung and Alan Watts💡💡 said We belong in this world. We have our place in our "corner of the sky" (Pippin). We are loved. Who said so? God said so.
We are created in His/Her image. It does not mean become a religious fanatic. It means fill the void with YOU. Partner with God in this adventure (Kabbalah) to repair this world.
St. Thomas said , according to Joe Campbell , that what Jesus wanted was "Be as I am." The Buddah said nothing. He pointed to the moon. "Why are you asking me about the moon? Go look for your own direct experience."
Thanks for listening. lmk.