@halenbon81, I see more success in your story than failure. Despite living with decades of trauma, you found your way to quitting alcohol, getting therapy and surrounding yourself with supportive people. Take that in for a moment. That is a huge accomplishment.

Success or accomplishments are not a static state. Sometimes we have setbacks. You have reached back to an old habit of drinking again. You know it is not good for you, but it is a well worn habit and may even give you momentary comfort. You also know, it's not a comfort that will last and can even take you back to a place you don't want to be.

Now, go back and read my first paragraph. You can get there again. Look at the people around you who support you. Remember some of the coping strategies you learned in therapy. Please love that little boy who didn't get the love a child deserves. Love the 60-year old man in the mirror. Let yourself be supported and loved.

Boy, that sure sounds like a lecture, doesn't it?
@joebeth, is right. You've taken the first step by writing here. What's your next step? (Even a baby step counts.)