Since 2021 I have had 5 significant surgeries to correct issues with a morbid prostate enlargement, thyroid cancer and subsequent chemo, pain pump implant removal and severe lumbar stenosis and other spinal deterioration. This alone required two operations in the lumbar area since some conditions there had to be successfully addressed before other repairs could be attempted. I am now 6 months out from that last lumbar repair which historically requires a year for sufficient recovery. During all of this time I have suffered constant and at times unbearable pain and or discomfort, either from the unresolved problem or the healing from the correction. I am now a bit over 80 years old, having had the first procedure at 75. The reason for this short history is-if I had not been operated on my life would have been utterly intolerable or I would be dead (and that's not over dramatic it's the doctor's honest opinion) . I also am using prescribed narcotics because in my experience an elevated and chronic pain level definitely interferes with healing and the mental clarity needed for a proper out look. At times, I too did not want to live, not that I wanted to actually die but just desired the pain to STOP-totally understandable! I seem to have a good constitution and have recovered well from all the surgeries in spite of my advanced years. Hopefully that can be your case also. If you suffer conditions preventing or questioning surgery that is an entirely different conversation. BUT if the professionals you are dealing with refuse to offer you the needed modalities that have proven so helpful to others with similar conditions simply because of your age that is totally unacceptable! In my opinion they also commit a most serious moral sin, that of taking away someone's hope, which at times is all we have to keep pushing through! Perhaps my experience and conclusions might be helpful, but in any case I do wish you well.