My suggestion is that you tell yourself that getting g over this first hurdle is your biggest job for now, and that there is nothing you can or need do about what comes after until you have more information. I love this group and also know that each person’s story reflects their unique set of circumstances, so reading “what comes next,” may take you down trails that don’t and may not serve you until they do. If you can give your brain a different job tonight, consider what has helped you to remain calm…healthy distraction? Prayer? Meditation? To any of these, I would add making your out-breath longer than your inbreath. Breath in through your nose if you can. Fill your belly, your chest (front to back, side to side, bottom to top, as much as you can without dawdling at it, pause between inbreath and outbreath briefly, then slowly breath out of your slightly pursed lips for as long as you can, until you feel your diaphragm pushing up into your lung space. When you stop pushing air out, your body will automatically let air flow back in. Give a little attention, again, to filling up your lungs up in each direction, then slowly exhale through slightly pursed lips again, again until you sense your diaphragm pushing up into your lung space (or feel it being pulled up into that space, another way to sense it). This will lower your blood pressure and heart rate, and help you get to sleep. If counting helps, you can build up to counting in for 4 counts, pausing as long as is comfortable and easy, then breathing out for 8 counts.

Some things that can help…lie on your back with knees up and feet flat on mattress, and, if space, raise your arms above your head. This helps make space inside for more breath. Don’t do any of this if it’s uncomfortable or you feel it doesn’t help you.

One other thing you can do with your brain (giving it a job besides ruminating) is to lie there and sort out where you are.,.notice hie gravity anchors you where you lie, noticing the points of contact between your body and the mattress in whatever position you are in, sensing how gravity is holding you there without any effort in iuoyr part, and, possibly, informing you of which way is up (toward the sky), which way is down (toward the center if the earth) , etc, and even what’s forward (toward your toes when you are lying down) and which way is back (behind your head). Then notice sounds around you and that you can sense what directions they are coming from. Then notice how you can sense the space or distance between the edges of your body and the walls, ceiling and floor of the room you are in. You may have a mental map of landmarks beyond those walls, and what directions ton they are in relative to the direction that your head and body are facing. This locating of yourself brings you in to where you are and that this is now.
Both of these little projects can bring calm by doing them, but if you can focus to do them, are also giving your brain a different job to do than focusing in what worries you.

Your worries don’t solve any problems, but are completely understandable in this moment if your life. Also keep in mind if you have worries that won’t settle and keep you up, you will rest during the surgery tomorrow.

I am wishing you safely and calmly-enough through tomorrow’s procedure, and am hoping, alongside you for good-enough news afterward, once it’s available.

🩵
Gynosaur