hello @frouke. i hope, you managed to get some sleep last night !! i did lie down eventually but couldnt sleep. so today is not a great day. through my thanatophobia i have had always extream sleep issues but the last few month have become super tough once more...
so lovely to hear back from you 🙂 and to share a bit more of you and your life. i find it wonderful estonishing, how people can just come together, as total strangers and give support, share life/ health experiances, often very intimate and privat things. i love, that this is possible- just like that and it also gives me hope in mankind ! when our daughter was diagnosed with her breast cancer i did join the wonderful breast cancer forum in the UK (our daughter still lives there) and like here, on this side, there is this strong bond and care for each other... without judgment, without fluffing things up... i love that. im fortunate, to be a very open person but not everyone is like this, and what the cancer forum like also this forum got so wonderfully right (in my opinion) is, that people , whom are maybe too shy, or simply privat have the chance, to be part of this forums by the choiche of sending a HUG or LIKE... it is just a lovely feeling, if someone shows their support. they may dont do this via mail and writing but with a simple HUG or LIKE- i hear you, i feel for you, i hope you are ok aso... what an incredible way of coming together ! when im not in a bad place right now, i read a lot of notes of here( carefully picking the ones i feel i can cope with) and i have "met" so many wonderful and incredible people- which with a few i still hold contact...
these forums are such important sides for so many people they are a true lifeline...

it is actually only my husband (of nearly 30 yrs this dec.) here in denmark. as meantioned above, our daughter has her own life in the uk and our son is studying now in stockholm... so we are all peppered around... but yes. i feel incredible fortunate and humbled to have a very special man on my side, who only knows me like i am now... and never ever did stop to love, protect and suport me... so, i hear you entirely, when you did say, that your husband was the love of your live !! i absolutely can rely to that and i believe, that allthose people who are fortunate enough, to come across that very special person in their life, are very fortunate indeed- i certainly feel that still as powerful, as 31 years ago, when i met my husband...
i was hoping, that you may had relatives, or friends over in the netherlands, it must have been tough, to loose that connection and the trauma what comes when people leaving us, when they do pass... i love, that you are still so finely tuned to your birthplace and once more i can totally rely to this so very strongly... i can hear the sound of the leaves in the trees in those places dear to us, feel the soft, or rough touch of the wind in the open countryside, or by the sea... certain sounds... often when i use to do meditation , i simply broke down because i can feel these things- home so deeply, so strongly... the pain to be so far away... the endless longing ... so yes, i love the way you express your strong bond to your home... that seagulls speak to you and transform you back... how powerful ! it made me smile, when i did read, that your husband also was from the UK. and may it makes you smile, when i tell you, that my husband (many years before our paths did cross) did live for 6month in Canada, he went over there with his youngest brother and i heard many stories from his time over there... there are some beautiful photos of my husband with the canadian flag behind him, which i always loved, they hang in our music room... i love looking at them... they hold so much emotions and love for him. i love that feeling...
like you we all do love the sea and our kids were lucky to grew up by the sea... how many endless walks- in all kind of weather- have we walked along this incredible powerful form of nature... how freeing... how soothing the sea is... i hope, that water is still near enough you, so that it still can be part of your life !!! nature can give so so much. a gentle/powerful, wonderful healer...
your last sentence really took me aback... in a surprised way and once more, i entirely do understand what you mean... before i ever went to england- even as a child- i had this strong pull to the UK. i never understood why... a longing... a certainty that i would return (which didnt made any sense, as i never ever had been there) there always has been a inner picture in my mind... of this woman on top of a cliff top... in the storm... looking out over the sea... waiting... i could draw this setting, it is so very clear... i like to think, that you do understand... when many years later, we visited tintagel and i stood up on the cliff top... looking out to the vast open atlantic ocean, i was so emotional, it took my breath away ... the beauty, power and history just hit me... it entire overwhelmed me and i felt this incredible, deep love and connection to this island- my home...