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Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer
Cancer | Last Active: Jun 18, 2023 | Replies (508)Comment receiving replies
@colleenyoung, I'm not sure this is the best forum, or if there is one, for posting this. I have been integrally involved with caring for and providing meals for my closest friend of 40+ years. Recently her Stage 4 MBC returned with a vengeance and the new is very aggressive.
Since her recent release from the hospital, her daughter from out-of-state has been caring for her along with help from my friend's wonderful partner of over 20 yrs. After weeks of being here and a few very stressful situations because of daughter's determination to be the "ultimate and final" decision maker regarding home health care, medical choices and now financial matters, the daughter has been told to leave. The daughter does have medical power of attorney. The daughter has emotional problems and it was just a matter of time for this to occur. If my friends weren't so incredibly easy going and "not rock the boat types", this would have happened much sooner.
Almost immediately ff my friend's hospital release, we were struck with the covid-19 spread. Because I have compromised lung and other chronic health issues, I promised my daughter, who lives out-of-state, that I would self-quarantine which I have done. With the friend's daughter leaving, my want/desire to resume meal prep for my friend has returned full force. I have not been driving but could deliver the meals and hubby could take them from trunk without my going inside.
Because there are different health care people coming and going throughout the week and also because my friend has been going for wound treatment and infusions to our cancer center weekly, I fear being near her in person. Zoom is out because she no longer can work with her computer because of memory loss.
I've offered to help her guy order food delivery from a local source and he's agreed to that. I haven't yet offered the resumed meal preps but feel some trepidation because of the needed handling of dishes back and forth. Wish there were a professional meal prep service available or maybe even an individual who could be hired to prepare daily meals. Any suggestions or tips?
Replies to "@colleenyoung, I'm not sure this is the best forum, or if there is one, for posting..."
@fiesty76- Good morning. I'm with Ginger, what an incredible friend you are. It's very tough not to be able to be close to people right now, especially when they need it most! I think that your friend knows how much you love her and how much you have helped. Sometimes I think that there comes a time when you have to say to yourself, enough and take a half-step back. Maybe this is the time for this?
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@fiesty76 this is a good place for your post to get ideas from other people who have advanced stage cancer.
This is such a difficult situation, especially in times of social isolation. Given your friend's state, it sound like your efforts will shift to helping her caregiver/partner. Even without COVID, the end stages of caregiving can feel very isolating. Do whatever you can do to support him and let him know he is not alone. That may simply be phone calls. Daily meals are a fantastic service, but I understand your trepidation with handling dishes etc. Might you consider less frequent deliveries and offering multi-day portions in throw-away containers that do not need to be returned?