@ld57feast Hi there. You sound like a very couragious lady. I too have a husband that tends to yell at me too. He seems to do it at the very times I need him the most. Like the time I had an SVT episode where my heart rate was at 185 for hours on end and then caused a full blown panic attack. My brain was not perceiving that I was getting oxygen and I thought I was literally suffocating. He yelled at me to calm down and breathe as if I could stop that high heart rate myself. I finally crawled to my phone and called for an ambulance. I realize that that is how he deals with the stress when he feels helpless to help me. Perhaps that is what is going on with your hubby. I realize that his drinking is probably the real problem. Some people become mean drunks. Have you discussed this with him?

I am so sorry to hear of your health problems, @ld57feast. It is understandable how an alcoholic husband could compound the feeling of sadness and loneliness. Might I suggest that you contact an Al Anon group in your area and perhaps someone could phone you with supportive conversations? (Al-Anon is a support group for those who have family members and/or friends who are addicted.)

I also did an online search and found that there are online (email) meetings. Here is the website where you can find a way to participate in them, https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/virtual-meetings/.

Al-Anon members are very kind, supportive people who will gladly embrace you (virtually) and hold you up.

Sending you a virtual hug right now!