Hello @cindylb I am sorry to read of your husband's health troubles. So difficult to face cancer and even a bit more so when you haven't a clue as to the cause, primary, etc. We are so accustomed to almost immediate answers and a pill to cure our ills in most cases.

I am also sorry to read of the other losses you have had in your family. It must beyond debilitating to manage all the grief.

My wife went for a second opinion when she was diagnosis with her brain tumor. it was a very wise move on our part. We found a doctor team with a much improved bedside manner, understanding, and support structure. We didn't get a lot of new information, but we ended up getting a far better healthcare team who stuck with us for her entire 14 years1

You are right in your concern that caregiving can become overwhelming. I, too, had to take over every aspect of our lives when my wife was diagnoses and through her war years with her cancer. I learned quickly to 'totem' our needs. Her needs were tops, after that each thing was weighed, valued, and often times discarded as nonessential. There were still far too many times I felt, and was, overwhelmed by all the demands.

I appreciated your comment regarding 'no regrets'. You might get a lift out of the attached photo. I saw this cheezy light at a discount store and had to buy it. I, too, wanted no regrets when it all ended. Sadly, it is my personal opinion that it is impossible to be a caregiver and not come away from the experience with absolutely no regrets. I regret I let some things slide I had to, I regret some of the times I got too short tempered due to the stress, etc. That's why I have this light. I tap it on when the doubts about what I did and didn't do creep into my mind. I remember to look at it all in its entirety, where on balance I can say the sign is right. It's the best we humans can do.

Strength, courage, and peace!

@cindylb P.S. never any regrets when you lead from love

Thank you!

Dear Cindy: You are braver than you think because you have the courage to share your story! I have been somewhat in your shoes. But honestly, we never know the depth and breath of another persons pain and fear of loneliness... I know this first hand as a 10 year lung cancer survivor and also seeing the love of my life go thru fire and also a horrific accident. But we make it by the grace of our guardian angels, don't we? One thing that really really helped me when I was at the brink of my life with lung cancer, as a never smoker, and the stigma and uneducated blame that came with this disease...was Dr Amit Sood and his Mindful class.
You can find Dr Amit Sood at Mayo Clinic online. Or listen to his amazing TED X Talk (u-tube Dr Amit Sood). I highly recommend one of his books "Stress Free Living" or "Happiness" and I can tell you this...the Pace Breathing changed my life, gave me direction and permission to live with quality of life and walk away when other people are hurtful or I am overwhelmed ...actually I'm not overwhelmed or afraid any longer. I now know how to blow it all away. No regrets. Let's stay connected. You are stronger than you realize:-) Just take a few long deep breath's. You deserve a big cyber hug!

@llwortman. Wow, thanks. Will check out TED talk tomorrow and likely order a book. Ventibug