Although you posted some time ago, I had to respond. My husband of 42 years died on March 29 of metastasized
prostrate cancer. I had made my commitment (to myself) to stay with him until the end. It was truly horrible but I kept my commitment. I'm 81. He lived 94 years. Without a doubt, his death was the hardest thing I've had to deal with, too. I have lots of help. Reading C.S. Lewis "A Grief Observed" for the third time. He's truly an icon of English literature. He tells the true story of his own grief after his wife died from metastatic cancer. For me, He's profound. I haven't gone through any "stages of grief". I do know I'm getting better with my life. I also know it takes a long time. Blessings your way.