Your words are sublime - were you a writer before all of this? If not, the brutal experience has sharpened your skills to communicate exactly what you are experiencing and helps me prepare for my future in a big way. I'm at the very early part of this journey - I know that my cancer is rare and aggressive. Only my husband knows. I don't want to upset anybody - the thought of having to tell my mom crushes me instantly. She lives far away and has been our family's caregiver. I'm trying to make big decisions now before I feel pressure to succumb to paths I don't believe will do many any real good. I'm anticipating a lot of pressure to do everything possible, even when all the reports show that chemo and radiation have minimal impact. Recurrence is certain. In some ways, I'm hoping the CT scan shows that it's already too late, so I can just get on with palliative care and avoid the really tough stuff. Ugh.