Sorry you are having to go through this alone. Life is always better when you share it with someone. I would encourage you to start your treatment, even though you wonder if you should bother. You are worth it and I think you will be relieved when it's over. Then, you can reward yourself with a vacation!

I try to be as supportive as I can. We are in our early 70's, both trying to manage medical issues and take care of each other. He needs this vacation for his mental health, but it probably would be easier if he had a bit of recovery time. I am scheduled for back surgery in 4 weeks, so this will be the only time a trip can happen.

This seems like a good place to come for support and encouragement. A good friend or relative to confide in might help you get through this so you don't feel alone. Sorry for the loss of your wife and I wish you the best through treatment and recovery.