After reading your post I set here for several minutes trying to form a response, but as I sit here with all kinds of thoughts jumbling through my head nothing seems like enough to help or express how to help you with your situation. I wish I could sit with you hold your hand and say it’s going to be okay… but really all we have is the solidarity of the people we share this group with. So I know I can’t physically hold your hand , but I hope mine or any body else’s post gives you a few minutes of peace and comfort.