@jlharsh Hello Janell. I think having this happen unexpectedly at age 71 and being alone has really made me take stock of my life and where I am and what my path is for the next ten plus years.

Much more personal stuff that my compromised health situation has put front and center.

I have been dating a beautiful woman for the past 8 years. We got engaged 5 years ago. But literally three days after that event, her grandson, who she has raised since he was twelve, went off to college and tried to commit suicide. That changed everything for us.

Very long and complicated story, but she committed 100% of her time, energy and resources to getting him healthy and back on track to get a college degree. Our relationship has devolved to “just dating” and a year ago she broke off our engagement and wanted a relationship without the implications of being “engaged”.

In the last several months she has backed off even more, yet she continues to tell me how much she loves me, etc, etc. but she has changed the dynamics of how often we see each other and if I spend the night.

Her boy just finished his first semester of a new four year degree program at Stephen F Austin University. This is after taking six years to get a two year degree at the local community college. He started at a four year university here in Dallas, dropped all his courses his first term but didn’t tell his Mimi.

As you can imagine, that was huge. She made him re-enroll for spring term, we got engaged and he tried to commit suicide. It was really a cry for help, as he literally didn’t pull the trigger. But Mimi left him there thinking he would pull out of it or something. He didn’t and this time flunked every course.

That started this long odyssey of her insisting that he gets a degree. She got him the help he needed and he took one or two classes for years until he got his associates degree and got accepted at SFA this past spring term.

It came to light after he enrolled in the major “they” chose for him that it would take another three to four years!

He actually did well and got A’s and B’s to his credit and has been home all summer working and taking one online course, which he also got an A on.

But in the meantime his Mimi has become so fixated on him (and the damn, large, obnoxious, super high energy Australian shepherd she got him as an emotional support dog), that I literally have become her third priority.

I retired in February at age 71 and decided to spend time on multiple health check ups that I didn’t have the time for while working: Eyes, hearing, dental work and heart health.

That uncovered my blockages and led to my operations and brings me to today.

I am a 71 year old in poor health dating a 72 year old who has no intent of living with me in any form or fashion until her grandson “launches” in three or four or even five years.

Now I’m on a fixed income. The master plan was that she would sell her large, 3000 square foot house that has an oversized lot and a large swimming pool and downsize to a much smaller townhouse or something and we would cohabitate and live happily ever after.

She makes very good money but now has committed to working until her grandson graduates and launches. The whole plan is unrealistic and will not go well. She is in relatively good health now, but she will be 77 or 78 by the time he graduates and “launches”.

So, I am taking stock of my life and this latest heart set back has really opened my eyes to my own mortality and my future prospects.

I know, it sounds like a personal problem wrapped up in a “dear Abbey “ letter. But this is why it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks.

From my point of view, she has become dysfunctionally fixated on her grandson and their dog. The boy is now 24 and the poster child for what one might define as a “snowflake”. He’s very liberal, may even be one of these democratic socialists, his Mimi is a liberal leaning “independent” and I am a conservative.

The old maxim of three is a crowd applies here and unfortunately for me, I have been relegated to being the third wheel.

So, there you have it. I am looking forward to the rehab to refocus my activities on getting healthier and I know that exercise helps you tremendously on both the physical and mental aspects.

Frankly, I don’t think this eight year relationship is sustainable and we’ve come to a decision point that must be addressed, but I don’t want to. But I also know that I can’t go on like this for the next four or five years.

So, that’s my story. We shall see what happens in the next couple of months.