@brosen it is understandable to try to avoid grief. I always thought I knew what it was since my parents had both passed and I have had friends and pets pass away. But losing a spouse has been so much worse for me. I was happy to spend as much time with him while he was sick. I was also very happy to see him take his last breath. I was not with my parents when they died. It was an interesting experience and an honor to be with him in that moment. Anderson Cooper has a podcast about grief. It is called “All there is”. He lost his father at a young age and his brother committed suicide many years ago. He has guests on who talk about their own personal grief. It has helped me some with my grief.