@lostinlimbo
I hear your pain and perhaps fear? I fought against the memory loss for YEARS! I truly believed my husband was being passive aggressive and unloving. Looking back over the past 10 years im guessing 50percent of his behavior was the MCI. My spouse is not depressed and was high functioning so i was just confused/ unhappy in our marriage. I now believe he has been much sicker than the doctors diagnosed. As of 2 weeks ago he is no longer driving and i see a level of fear settling into his brain. Im guessing its because he can’t remember all the old data to draw upon in situations, so he gets resistant or anxious.
Hear are some steps that have helped me cope better over the years:
1. coffee with a friend, out or at home.
2. Spending one evening in a separate room than my spouse. I watch a movie and he listens to music and plays phone games in the other room.
3. Boundaries. I now give myself permission to not be available for every thought that my husband needs me to handle. I may say “ im thinking about a couple other tasks right now, can we talk in 10-30 min?” I may say please right it down and ill be happy to “fix” it soon.
4. Support groups in person and on line. Hearing other stories brings compassion for others and takes my eyes off of me for a short time.
5. Learn, learn and learn. The more i understand the better (less fearful) i become. I use YouTube.
6. Stop looking for understanding or wisdom from folks who have rose colored glasses on. Hold my cards close to my chest and seek fellowship from folks walking the journey. Lots of helpful wisdom that make me a better person and wife.
Look for ways to make everyday responsibilities easier. Set up auto bill pay. Have groceries delivered, look into meal plans that deliver to you, have pet supplies delivered.
7. The biggest one has been learning to love my spouse again. A gentle shoulder touch when i walk by, laugh at his 12 year old silliness, tell him im thankful to have him, remind yourselves that “we are a team and we need to work together instead of creating friction over life the stressors that we need to let go of”. This one showed me that i was more controlling than i realized, i thought it was always my husband’s issue. 🥴
Im rambling! i hope something helps. You are not alone and we all grieve together, and slowly celebrate our wins day by day. Hugs