I am SO very sorry that your daughter in law is choosing to behave in this way. I am not a therapist so cannot say whether this is her way of grieving or if it is just selfishness. I will say that my husband was diagnosed with a grade 4 glioblastoma exactly 5 days after I had a full shoulder replacement. He was non verbal for over 2 weeks then the 3rd week was able to have surgery. We were hopeful that the 12-15 months told us by the surgeon would happen but he died 45 days after initial diagnosis. He never got to do radiation/chemo. However, having been married young and spending 57 years together, I did everything to be with him. Being unable to drive since it was my primary shoulder, I ask friends, neighbors, anyone who could, to take me to twice weekly physical therapy appointments and back and forth to Duke daily which was a 40 minute drive from my daughters where I was staying since I was unable to even shower alone. I spent every minute I could by his side until he passed in hospice. It has now been 3 months the 12th of this month and I am still grieving terribly over the loss. There are so many questions unanswered since he was not able to speak until just days before the surgery then after the surgery he was not the same and just a few weeks later when he had a stroke, he never spoke again. I speak to him daily, apologize for not knowing what he was feeling since we couldn't communicate and wondering why this all happened to him. I am at home again now, all by myself and the emptiness is almost more than I can bare. I miss him terribly but realize I have to get used to this new life without him. Again, not a therapist but if this is the way she is choosing to grieve, I would have to wonder if her feelings for him were ever that strong. Also, if he is aware, which I assume he is, he must know this himself. I am confident he needs the support of his wife more than anyone else. While I know this likely is not the "right" thing to do, when the time comes that he is called to leave, I might have to let her be on her own rather than being there for her. I do believe there will be a time when she will regret this and realize the huge mistake she made.