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Hello @mnitchke Nice to e-meet you here, but not under such difficult circumstances. I am Scott and my mother-in-law suffered from dementia for many, many years. Much of what you describe is the disease itself and is not something we can control or change. My wife also fought brain cancer for over 14 years and exhibited many dementia-like symptoms. With her, too, I had to accept that the changes and her life and lifestyle were caused by the disease and were totally beyond anyone's control. It would be nice if we could wish these terrible aspects of disease away, but none of us can. None of us can know what our patient is actually thinking or experiencing either, making it all the tougher as you describe.
This doesn't make it easier to manage, but we did find some solace in knowing the disease was in control and not us nor our patient. Witnessing a loved one's decline in chronic disease, and especially dementia, is extremely challenging.
I wish you the very best in this journey and am glad you are here in Connect. I found Connect as I was struggling with the depression and isolation, which often comes hand in hand with caregiving.
One of the great aspects of Connect is that many fellow caregivers have been through a lot and have many hints and helps! So if you have questions don't hesitate to ask. This is a wonderful, open and helpful group!
Courage, Strength, & Peace
Replies to "Hello @mnitchke Nice to e-meet you here, but not under such difficult circumstances. I am Scott..."
@mnitchke I am so sorry and I know the battles you are fighting and facing None of them are easy, nor are the issues easily answered. Caregiving is hard, but so is stepping back and having someone you love be beyond your help. It is depleting to our souls for sure.
The disappearance of friends and others can be a whole different challenge to overcome. We were astounded at how many simply disappeared from our lives. My wife's and mine. I came to appreciate Dr. Martin Luther King's quote "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
I applaud and laud your dedication and commitment! Even ironing! Man that is awesome! 🙂 I dropped that chore a bit too quickly I think!
Take good care!
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Scott: Many thanks for replying. I needed somewhere to vent. To tell anyone or even no one, just to speak my mind, to get things off my chest so to speak. Now that I no longer care directly for my wife, my role has changed. I am no longer her primary caregiver but now I am her 'protector ' as she has been thrust into a facility. So I go almost every day for at least 2 hours just to watch her, hold her hand, bring her a fresh fruit snack, fresh water, walk with her, bring clean clothes (yes, I wash & iron her stuff) and ultimately to try and connect with her on some simple, simple level and that is where the frustration comes in. Sometimes I just tear up and have to leave or take a short break. I know she's not coming back, coming home. But my acceptance of this situation is dubious at best. We fought her breast cancer together, her Crohn's disease together. Now this. There is no fight when it comes to Dementia. It's roll over and take it until you die! There is no hope, no fight. It breaks my heart. We human beings have been able to overcome so many obstacles over the millennia and still be here. We have treatments for so many diseases and conditions. There are none for Dementia. Friends have disappeared or just don't call as often if at all. No one wants to visit her and I don't blame them. There is no such thing as a good visit for either party.