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bl2016 (@bl2016)

the grieving process

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Oct 17, 2017 | Replies (29)

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I wrote several time over the past 18 months. My husband, age 87, has finally been placed in the Memory Unit in a Care Center. I just could no longer take care of him even with the help of my daughter. He was having hallucinations and delusions that were very difficult since then triggered aggravation toward me, and nothing I said or did helped. We have been married 62 years so when he started continually accusing me of seeing other men, etc., I found it very hard. It was very difficult to place him in a Care Center but it is finally becoming easier. He was in a Senior Behavioral Health unit for over two months before we were finally able to get placement for him. It is 45 minutes from our home, but I try to visit at least 2 -3 times a week. He is beginning to accept that and no longer asks to go home with me every time I visit. He dozes off most of the time I am visiting, but I hold his hand and try to help him feel love and wanted.

This was the hardest thing I have ever done. He is slowly slipping away and only once in a while do I see the smiles that he was always so free with. He still knows me and our four children and talks about them, but doesn’t remember that they visited him the day before or that they are working during the week.

But like Scott says, “One day at a time”. I have lots of support and we have our own little “support group” at church as each Sunday I discover another of the women have previously gone through the same thing. I knew their husbands had died but didn’t know all the details at the time. We hug and console each other and enjoy coffee and treats either after the first church service or before the second service. I was very active in church and local groups before my husband was diagnosed 18 months ago, so it is helpful to get back to attending those events again.

Support groups are great and I highly recommend you try to locate one in your area that you can attend. They usually meet for an hour and have lots of ideas to help you cope with your problems. Ask around at the Care Centers and they often host them.


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Replies to "I wrote several time over the past 18 months. My husband, age 87, has finally been..."

Hi Ruth @rmftucker Nice to hear from you, but I am saddened at your change in circumstances. I can tell from your words it is a very hard part of the path you are on with your husband at this time. It seems each time we turn some corner in caregiving we find a new, long street ahead of us rather than a comfortable park!

I continue to wish you the best!

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