@parus

Sorry. Don't understand what you mean: " Surely you live another world-to refute them would cause more pain. This type of thing caused my own father to end his life. All the pretty words. People believe lie" Therefore, can't respond.

Hopeful .... I can easily understand why your father did that. If allowed to, they sap you of everything good you feel about yourself, and replace it with a big, vacant hole.
abby

parus ...... hon, he only wins IF you let him win. I'm not sure refuting is quite the word I'd use .... maybe a good comeback, or your own opinion or ideas. Small example here. Our son went to Wash. Univ. in St. Louis for Law ...... there was a picnic at my daughter's house and my X walked in with his usual drab green t-shirt with Wash. U. on the front. Well, I happened to wear mine that day too, but mine was bright red! He made the comment that "I never thought you'd wear a bright red shirt ... that's sure a change for you." With that, I looked him right in the eye and, I'm sure with a rather coy look on my face, said, "a lot of things have changed the past few years."
It doesn't sound like much now, but at the time it felt I'd won the lottery! He just stared at me in disbelief that I would actually "talk back" to him! LOVED IT!
abby