I am not certain I understood everything except the pain that you are going through. I went through my cancer journey five years ago. At that time my cancer was not curable. If I was fortunate to have a remission after all treatments, I could look forward to about five years. Since then, five years and 8 months ago my cancer has gone from completely uncurable to a cancer that can be managed with all the new therapeutics. What is so difficult when you have cancer is you don’t live with it, it lives with you. Take one day at a time and know that many are praying and rooting for you.