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Placing a loved one in memory care and need help with the dialog
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 8 hours ago | Replies (25)Comment receiving replies
I’m back here to tell you he’s back at the psych unit and now the Memory Care Nursing directors are saying o may need to look for another place for my husband. I’m devastated. I get my key for my new apartment at the same community and I may be moving in and he may be moving out.
The aids are afraid of him.
The week before he was transferred he said “ I could beat the shit out of them” then he walked up to one of the aids and said it and then during lunch last Friday he took an aid and kept shaking her against a door.
He has never been in the correct medicine, the suds are not trained for him, and there is no good medical or psychiatric direction.
Now he has been in the psych unit a week without one incident. They don’t get it. His medicine was changed and much more appropriate.
I told the MC nurses they need to give him another chance on the new medicine regimen but they need training and I need to make sure the meds are appropriate throughout his stay and not relying on the psych unit docs to make the changes.
Also they are using his Lewey Body diagnosis as a good reason to find another memory care.
If he stays I will have to sit there more but I will be 1/2 Mile away.
I have lots to think about not to mention I’m in the middle of downsizing and a move.
I’m exhausted.
Anyone out there who have had to change memory care facilities? What would be best? He is progressing but with the right approach he does fine.
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@maryvc The unfortunate truth is that the facility Admin will act to protect their staff and the well-being of other residents. Liability suits, workers comp injuries, and staff retention are big issues. But, the fortunate truth is that they are not allowed to summarily ‘throw him out”, which is labeled abandonment. I would make an appointment with the Social Service person and just talk about the situation, he/she will be empathetic. You can ask about facilities that they recommend for his type of care needs, this signals that you are trying to be reasonable and work with them, which may lower their push to get him out, give some more time for new med regimen to work.
Be aware, how they get someone they don’t want for whatever reason out, is to wait until they are admitted to a regular hospital and then refuse readmission based on “we are unable to meet his level of care needs”, then it becomes the hospital social worker/discharge planner’s problem to find him a place and you won’t have much effect on the process, as they need him out of that bed which insurance is no longer paying for, as his stay is not “medically necessary”. This does not apply to psych units or psych hospitals, they and the facilities have solid agreements that they will take back any people transferred there.
Hang in there, this will get sorted out, ask for help from family or a paid person with the downsizing and move, God is in control. You’re a strong woman and you’ll meet this challenge the way you’ve met every challenge in your life- with strength, determination, and love.