What you say about your head going into dark places is exactly what I have been through. As of today, I am one year post op mastectomy with expanders. Last year in Dec is when the expanders were removed and implants placed. Only recently have I come to terms with …..everything. My husband was so afraid to hurt me, and I was so afraid of being too ugly to be desired, that we had months of stress. Things will never be the same, but things have improved. I wish I had some magic wand grab bag of inspirational words to give to you but I suspect we all just have to take the individual time necessary, to in some way heal from all of this. No one can understand this unless they have traveled through it, so we also need to give grace to others. It’s always a good thing to force ourselves to look at things from their perspective as well. I’ve had plenty of moments wondering if I could be happy again.
I am. You will. It’s a joint commitment between you and your partner. Patience. Trust. And getting help when you need it. Life is so precious and sometimes so short. I had to remind myself of this, and switch out from hopeless, to making things work. Pleasing my spouse, pleasing myself, is human and acceptable and is exactly what God intended. Who am I to deny that? Let me stress that our brains get very focused toward protecting us from whatever we might perceive as the next unpleasant thing…….we have to learn about our brains, and how to re-wire them. It’s sweet that our brains want to protect and control, but it’s not always what we need to survive.
Or how, we want to survive. I can shut the world out in fear, or I can join in and enjoy the here and the now. I am jealous of those who can “come to terms” faster than I did, but again, we all travel on a different time line, affected by many different things in our lives. Best wishes to you and to your partner, in finding your happiness once again.