@tonnie9

Hi Tonnie,

I'm still with the same man I mentioned in my previous message.

He is an amazing person and has shown that in so many different situations.

In December 2024, just one month after my last message, my mum died. It was the second Christmas in a row that I had lost someone very important to me.

Then, in June 2025, I lost my house. It was the first time in my life that I didn't have a home. I have two big dogs and a cat, and finding a place to rent was almost impossible.

My boyfriend offered for all of us to move in with him until my housing situation was sorted. That was incredibly kind of him, especially considering that at that point we had only known each other for seven months.

I became very depressed. I had even made a plan for how I would end my life. My idea was to buy sleeping pills a pack at a time and, when I had enough, just go to sleep.

The only thing that stopped me was my dogs. I couldn't leave until I knew they would be safe and cared for, and I never managed to reach that point. For months, though, I genuinely just wanted to leave this world.

In December 2025, I got my house, just one week before Christmas. It was the first Christmas in three years where I gained something instead of losing something.

I thought that would solve everything. I thought I would become my old happy self again, the person I was before the separation.

But I was still depressed.

I missed my previous life. I missed having my ex-husband in my life—but not as a husband. I missed the feeling of security that comes from having one person with whom you can be completely yourself.

Then, out of nowhere, something seemed to switch in my head. I became ready to keep living and to fully embrace this new life.

It took me two years to get over the separation.

Now I know it was a good thing that he left. I'm not sorry that we were married, but I am glad that he was the one who made the decision to leave. I only saw him once after he left, and that was it.

I'm still in a relationship with the same man I mentioned before. At the end of October, it will be two years together.

We are a very loving couple. There are lots of hugs, kisses, and constant reminders of how much we love each other.

What I have now has shown me what it really means to be with someone as a partner. It has made me realize that my ex and I were always more like friends. There was never this kind of passion between us.

The challenge in my current relationship is that we live in different counties. Because he has his children with him most weekends, I see him only on specific days.

For now, living like this is okay, but lately I have started to wonder whether I could be satisfied with this arrangement for another five years. The thought of breaking up with him makes me incredibly sad, and I honestly don't think I could do it. At the same time, the idea of us staying exactly where we are now, without moving forward in some way, is equally difficult.

So I find myself caught between two feelings. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't know if our current situation is enough for the long term.

I am now in my new house, in the place where I always knew I needed to live.
Im happy with my life and I dont think about dying any more.

Thank you for asking