So sorry to hear your beyond sad story. My son had cancer of the kidney and was so devastated and scared. After having just the portion 1/3 of the kidney removed he still worried constant at 33 years old and finally had a body scan to try and relieve his ancestry. The body scan was clear of any other cancers. Then a week later he died in a car accident. We have no control in our lives from the moment of conception all we have is this experience of choosing our outlook as the trials and joys happen. My son died 3 years ago and then my MRI found a ILC in my right breast and now I the Mental Health Therapist deal with all the problems at 75 years of age but I have had a full lifetime. About half of it was not great due to abusive marriage but presently I love my life and seeing my Grandchildren lives unfold like a flower opening and I get to see it bloom.

I lost a dear friend to cancer at 18 years of age. Everyday since then I have tried to remember that Janice did not have the experiences I have been blessed or cursed with! We get the ride without ever buying or wanting a ticket! This for me has a been a reason I made a choice as a child to embrace Christianity values as a way forward to coop with life from an early age. It helped me to that placing my faith into beyond the realm of this short lifetime gave me hope for eternity and all that I cannot bear here on Earth is only a temporary situation and it pulls me out of my grief for loosing my control of my health and this life.

I would suggest since I was a Christian Counselor to find this relief for all that you are experiencing right now by starting therapy to give you an answer and problem solutions in your quest for relief of this strain.

I love your writing style and wish I could hug you right now. I hope you have a family to help you and I will be praying for you.

May the Lord Bless you.