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Survivors of toxic relationship with a Narcissist: Let's Connect
Mental Health | Last Active: Aug 6 7:58pm | Replies (141)Comment receiving replies
@dyas - Greetings!
I have a couple of Qs, if you are looking to help by sharing some of your experience and life lessons on this topic.
1 - May I ask what happens in an "annual neurological psychological evaluation"? I've contacted a neurologist, but unless something 'medically' is to be discovered, it seems I need to instead find a psychiatrist/psychologist to do an evaluation - specifically, memory issues, lifelong dysthymia, possibly adult ADD? Might help answer some of my lifelong challenges, even possibly help me feel better about my struggles and, at 69, still even move beyond them?
2 - My second Q would be, in awe of your good news and life, as you've described it, coming out of such a horrific childhood experience: how would you (even begin to) address your good fortune in finding a healthy, long-lasting love, and more?
I'll leave it at those 2 Qs for the time being.
I'm thinking that many of us reading/posting in this forum's topic would be interested in how your story developed, and that it would be most helpful to others, even though everyone's life circumstances vary.
But the core of living/growing up with narcissistic parents, even for some of us who knew they loved us and maybe were doing the best they could (easier to say at this age, but still a struggle): the core is so deeply sad, such a waste of a lot of years and opportunities, and such pain that I and my sibling in particular have spent our entire lives wrestling with - to no greater resolution than that it happened, and it continues with our 96+ year old mother in her decline, yet wanting the best for her continues as a driving force in our care and oversight of her declining time.
Such a dichotomy of loss and love, and even worse because no one in the family would acknowledge it; my sibling who has had life & death struggles with the codependency of her relationship with our mother has also lived in fear of - I think - the wrath of our mother if we were to discuss the dysfunction -, and the demise of our (emotionally fragile) mother if any hard yet real struggles were ever brought to light. All in an effort to get beyond it, at least not to feel so alone, isolated, deeply depressed about the struggle and its impact on every facet of our lives.
Ack! Went on longer than I intended to, but not so unusual for me.
If this is not how you meant to be 'of help' to others, completely understand. If there are others who'd care to respond to this kind of lifetime of sadness, in spite of all appearances, I welcome hearing about yours too.
To all who come here in the hope of some relief through sharing, and some connection, I wish you much peace.
Replies to "@dyas - Greetings! I have a couple of Qs, if you are looking to help by..."
@brandysparks
I just had an appointment with a psychiatrist psychologist. At 81 there is a concern for possible dementia and Alzheimer’s.
You ask how did my love 😍 affair begin. Pure good fortune. I had been divorced for 10 years when good fortune smiled.
I understand and experienced a lifetime of sadness. My left my home in Los Angeles at 18 to escape a world I knew was killing me. I drove north to Seattle where it just rained never to return except for brief family moments.
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@brandysparks Those are great questions. I know that therapy has helped me immensely with ADHD, spinning thoughts, all the different parts of me that learned survival skills (anger, etc.) to deal with growing up with my NPD parent and the dysfunction that went on in my house, growing up, as well as when an adult.
I went from a really kind, sweet, honest child, to a 12 year old that started drinking and smoking. I also became very angry. So, I was acting out (unconsciously) the dysfunction. I was told in treatment at 14 that I was the "scapegoat" in my family. In other words, I was the "problem." The counselors were not saying that I was "the problem" specifically, but that I was the problem my other family members focused on so as not to have to take a look at themselves. So, battling alcoholism and addiction for over 3 decades has been my part. I am sober now and have been for several years now. I still go to therapy. There is complex trauma that is experienced when a family has an NPD parent, sibling, spouse. I am still in therapy and it takes time to get to those emotions of abandonment, sadness, fear, etc., that a little child experiences. Those are such formidable years.
You sound so self aware and I understand and empathize with what you experienced. It is isolating and I know that feeling. There are assessments that can be given in a psychological examination for ADHD, anxiety, depression, PTSD (as complex traumatic stress disorder is only recently recognized as life long trauma). PTSD leans more towards specific events, where as Complex Trauma (CTSD) is more life long trauma, emotional abandonment, neglect, emotional abuse, etc. Growing up in a household with an NPD qualifies (in my opinion and experience. Anyway, thank you for your post. Peace to you also.