Zen Buddhist meditation retreats. Not a suburban look at my Athleta Yoga outfit, but sitting, walking (kin hin), Dharma talks late night, up at 5 am (bathroom anyone?) , work practice (samu), silence, sanga stays together including meals/prayers (no strolling around), chanting.
I was in St.John's Dark Night of the Cross, or midlife crisis. Little could be further from my way of life than sitting on the floor for hours and chanting in Japanese, Pali, or Chinese, but why could I not sit perfectly still for more than 5 minutes?
With years of practice (basically making sentience a part of living) a reality (my reality) came to me piece by piece until I realized what the game is, and what I was doing so so wrong, making my own grief. #1. Lack of self-discipline. #2. Trying to live an life not authentic and based upon an ever receding fantasy, and much more. Van Morrison: minute by minute second by second you're making your reality every day.
With each retreat, I found centeredness and peace (for a day🙂) which eventually has become peace - with change, ignorance, hostility, greed, etc. etc. in this world not so upsetting. Understanding and acceptance. A little Elizabeth Kubler Ross?
I could still use self-discipline and more understanding of how this works. I am not "there" yet. There is no "There." Wu Xi (nothing special)
The true paths of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism can take you to the same place. Even Zoroaster and B'hái. Some say it's what God wants you to know about His Creation. The "suchness" of it all.