Hi, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD several years ago. Recently I attended a small conference as I am an Early Childhood Educator. This conference was about trauma, the brain and ACE's(Adverse Childhood Experiences). I have had treatment and therapy which allow me to at least appear like I am a functioning adult. Between Covid, the conference topic triggering me and I guess just life, I am really struggling today! Even had thoughts of driving my car into the harbour and/or using(in recovery). I came home instead of doing either so I guess I that is something. It feels like every time I take a step forward life slams at me. The conference has brought with it a tidal wave or memories and emotions. We were asked to score ourselves (ACE's) at this conference and I had an 8 out of 10. Ironically the only reason I did not have a 10 was because my father, who abused my mother, died when I was 16 months so I had zero for the question regarding parents separation/divorce and 0 for witnessing domestic violence. Unless you consider knowing your father beat your pregnant mother causing stillbirths and miscarriage until a doctor intervened when she was pregnant with me. I feel like I have no one in my life that understands just how hard it is to just get through the day sometimes!